Hi Susan,
Yes, I know I realize it. To be honest, I am not sure anymore. Yes, I did love #1 more than anything and all the actions I had done were to prove to him to make effort for our relationship to work. But while I worked to make things happen, he did one thing and moved on without thinking that maybe I am doing this to show that I really need him to take bigger steps. As for #2, I do care for him and when we talk, we are each other's confidants but age gap and his past do linger in the background. We have not recently talked about where his divorce has headed at this point.
On our last discussion about this, his ex had been calling him blaming him etc. and he had let out his frustrations out on me and had said that he had wanted to be with no one (as frustrated as I was, I agreed as we were moving out of my apartment at school). That night, I was crying and longing for the comfort I had with #1 and I did say to him that he was free to leave, but he stayed saying that he couldn't take it anymore. He did ask me if it was really okay with me about the situation. I told him that he has a year to fix the situation and get a divorce, otherwise I was going to call off the relationship. I still need my Phd program and be financially indepedent in a year so marriage right now is still out of question, although my family has started looking. We also had an impending proposal from a family and my parents are keen to pursue it (and I don't mind to be honest)
I am still trying to key on my feelings towards #2 because after #1, who I was with for 4-5 years constantly talking and finding comfort in, I miss his absence and loss. I am also angry with him because he made commitments to things he knew he couldn't do and now has just backed up and claims that he is making a compromise and marrying some random person. It makes me angry and frustrated because I fought for him daily for 2 years non-stop. The actions I took were to show that if he did not take any step, I will move on. But instead of fighting for me, he let go in a second. Since then, I fear that men are not consistent and they are there when they need you but when you need them, they flee. Its happened a second time when I put all my trust in one person, and he has broken my trust.
So with #2, I am already very cautious. I do have feelings for him and with me there, his life is getting better and he is happy and excited all the time. It makes me feel good because my presence does help him be better. I had told him that its a year, although he himself said that he wasnt expecting her to return back but we had talked about it practically and he had said that I should see this for 6 months and then rethink if I really want to be with him.
Yes, I know you are right and I do believe in it. I always have. I was single for a while and did not mind it at all. I enjoyed the freedom. Taking a break is not a bad idea. I am going to see him in a couple of weeks as #2 is flying here to see me, the last time he drove 13 hours so that we could have a week together. I have had good times and share really sweet memories with him, but really am not sure if I can live with him my whole life. I used to have #1 who was my best friend as well to talk about this whole thing, but ever since he left, I feel like I am at a loss.
I will probably talk about a break after this month if things don't change. The reason why I am afraid to cool things off with him because I am unsure if I will be making a mistake letting go of him to finally out later that probably HE was the one. I just don't know what to make out of it anymore. In all of my relationships, I have always given my 200% yet the guys who I am with either take it for granted or just don't take any actions. They make grandeur promises but when time comes for them to act, they flee. Am I making a wrong mistake? or am I not choosing guys properly?
Seeing me confused and lost really hurt my best friend who literally cried of the situation, she was worried and that struck me really hard. I have been trying to find a resolution ever since. I will keep your suggestion in mind and see if I can implement it in a couple of weeks or months. I need to do some serious thinking about the situation and I really do miss #1.
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Hi Susan,
September 13, 2011 - 11:33amYes, I know I realize it. To be honest, I am not sure anymore. Yes, I did love #1 more than anything and all the actions I had done were to prove to him to make effort for our relationship to work. But while I worked to make things happen, he did one thing and moved on without thinking that maybe I am doing this to show that I really need him to take bigger steps. As for #2, I do care for him and when we talk, we are each other's confidants but age gap and his past do linger in the background. We have not recently talked about where his divorce has headed at this point.
On our last discussion about this, his ex had been calling him blaming him etc. and he had let out his frustrations out on me and had said that he had wanted to be with no one (as frustrated as I was, I agreed as we were moving out of my apartment at school). That night, I was crying and longing for the comfort I had with #1 and I did say to him that he was free to leave, but he stayed saying that he couldn't take it anymore. He did ask me if it was really okay with me about the situation. I told him that he has a year to fix the situation and get a divorce, otherwise I was going to call off the relationship. I still need my Phd program and be financially indepedent in a year so marriage right now is still out of question, although my family has started looking. We also had an impending proposal from a family and my parents are keen to pursue it (and I don't mind to be honest)
I am still trying to key on my feelings towards #2 because after #1, who I was with for 4-5 years constantly talking and finding comfort in, I miss his absence and loss. I am also angry with him because he made commitments to things he knew he couldn't do and now has just backed up and claims that he is making a compromise and marrying some random person. It makes me angry and frustrated because I fought for him daily for 2 years non-stop. The actions I took were to show that if he did not take any step, I will move on. But instead of fighting for me, he let go in a second. Since then, I fear that men are not consistent and they are there when they need you but when you need them, they flee. Its happened a second time when I put all my trust in one person, and he has broken my trust.
So with #2, I am already very cautious. I do have feelings for him and with me there, his life is getting better and he is happy and excited all the time. It makes me feel good because my presence does help him be better. I had told him that its a year, although he himself said that he wasnt expecting her to return back but we had talked about it practically and he had said that I should see this for 6 months and then rethink if I really want to be with him.
Yes, I know you are right and I do believe in it. I always have. I was single for a while and did not mind it at all. I enjoyed the freedom. Taking a break is not a bad idea. I am going to see him in a couple of weeks as #2 is flying here to see me, the last time he drove 13 hours so that we could have a week together. I have had good times and share really sweet memories with him, but really am not sure if I can live with him my whole life. I used to have #1 who was my best friend as well to talk about this whole thing, but ever since he left, I feel like I am at a loss.
I will probably talk about a break after this month if things don't change. The reason why I am afraid to cool things off with him because I am unsure if I will be making a mistake letting go of him to finally out later that probably HE was the one. I just don't know what to make out of it anymore. In all of my relationships, I have always given my 200% yet the guys who I am with either take it for granted or just don't take any actions. They make grandeur promises but when time comes for them to act, they flee. Am I making a wrong mistake? or am I not choosing guys properly?
Seeing me confused and lost really hurt my best friend who literally cried of the situation, she was worried and that struck me really hard. I have been trying to find a resolution ever since. I will keep your suggestion in mind and see if I can implement it in a couple of weeks or months. I need to do some serious thinking about the situation and I really do miss #1.
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