You are right. In many ways and times, I have been denying the guilt and trying to move on but I do have to tell myself that after the decision was made, I could never recover from it.
When I am with him, I do love him in a man-and-woman sense, but when he is not around, I think less about #2 more about #1 especially now when I am alone...but whenever I talk to #2, all of these feelings just blank out (I dont know maybe I get distracted or block them out of my system as I have been trying to do since Feb). Your vibe is on the mark.
You do have a point about the break. You know in an ideal world, I had imagined that even I would have chosen #2, my # 1 would have made sure that I would not have let him go or gone from his life without a fight. But when even that didn't happen, I just wasn't sure if he really loved me or all was just talk that he had told me. I will take your advice soon. I think I will just have to choose the right time to for the break.
Thanks for talking to me about all of this, it is giving me a sense of direction. It's all nice to know that someone is able to look at this situation without bias.