I had a long talk with #1 today and realized that in the process of breaking up, I had made some assumptions that led to our permanent breakup. Because I had been intimate with #2, I figured #1 would never accept me back and thus I tried to move on. I did think of him while I was with #2, but I accepted #2 for everything as well. I do owe loyalty towards him and he is not a bad guy in any manner but he is also a sweetheart and does love me a lot. However, if things such as his divorce do not finalize, I will end the relationship. #1 and I have come to terms with the decision I made and we will honor our commitments. Now too, there is no use retrospecting about how we could have changed our relationship or made it different. Even if he loves me, he will never admit to it because of the commitment he has made with the other person and I respect it. Love is a strange thing, it makes you act funny, and when one miscommunication you make, it changes the lives of four people. I am the architect of all of these changes otherwise they would not have happened at all, but I was so hell bent on proving to him that if he doesnt change and come to the states, I will end it. I didn't think it will really help at all. But, whatever the case may be, since I rushed the first time around, I do not want to rush the second time around and feel the weight of guilt looming over me. So, for now, I will be with #2 but end it if certain things don't materialize.
Thanks so much