It's like I can breathe again hearing that I'm not the only one. I feel like I'm going crazy, I constantly think about what's happening with my boyfriend and make myself feel hopeless and desperate. I am 23 and he is 28, we have been together for nearly five years and living together for four. He took my virginity and was an incredible lover, when we made love it felt so intimate and connected, and physically felt amazing. But for the past three years it's been completely different - he never wants to have sex, I have tried dressing up in sexy lingerie (this only makes him "feel pressured"), have tried asking him what I can do to make him enjoy sex (he says he doesn't know) and we have had many many talks about it, which always end in me feeling like it's my fault and feeling guilty for making him feel bad. The reason that it's so confusing is that in every other way he seems to be fully in love with me - he's always telling me I'm pretty and sexy, always wanting to spend time with me, always wanting to cuddle and be physically close to me. He pushes me away if I try to touch him sexually, and when I do ask if he wants to have sex he usually makes an excuse, like that he has to brush his teeth or is too tired. If we do have sex - once a fortnight if I'm lucky, we went three months last year and he didn't even notice - he doesn't seem to enjoy it anymore and we just do the deed, there's no kissing or caressing like there used to be. I have no idea what to do. I am so sexually aroused by him and find him just as attractive as I always did, but because he constantly shuts me down I have started forcing myself not to appreciate his body or enjoy his touch, because I hate how weak I am and that he can always turn me on but I can never turn him on. I have started fantasising about being with other men and find myself revelling in having male friends that tell me I'm sexually attractive. The sickening thing is that I don't want to have these thoughts, I don't want to look at other men. I would be so happy to be with him and be faithful to him, but if I don't get reinforcement from somewhere that I am still a sexually attractive woman then I will honestly shrivel up and die, I can already feel a part of me doing that. I actually can't handle this. But I love him so much, and I know he loves me so much, we would both be devastated if we broke up. But I honestly feel that if I stayed with him and this kept happening I would cheat on him, I need to feel that with someone. I'm already cheating on him in my mind and it makes me so sad. I'm scared that I'm damaging myself psychologically by being in this relationship and that I will develop serious sexual issues like he has because of being with him. I just don't know what to do. I am so lost. All I want is to be wanted again.
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It's like I can breathe again hearing that I'm not the only one. I feel like I'm going crazy, I constantly think about what's happening with my boyfriend and make myself feel hopeless and desperate. I am 23 and he is 28, we have been together for nearly five years and living together for four. He took my virginity and was an incredible lover, when we made love it felt so intimate and connected, and physically felt amazing. But for the past three years it's been completely different - he never wants to have sex, I have tried dressing up in sexy lingerie (this only makes him "feel pressured"), have tried asking him what I can do to make him enjoy sex (he says he doesn't know) and we have had many many talks about it, which always end in me feeling like it's my fault and feeling guilty for making him feel bad. The reason that it's so confusing is that in every other way he seems to be fully in love with me - he's always telling me I'm pretty and sexy, always wanting to spend time with me, always wanting to cuddle and be physically close to me. He pushes me away if I try to touch him sexually, and when I do ask if he wants to have sex he usually makes an excuse, like that he has to brush his teeth or is too tired. If we do have sex - once a fortnight if I'm lucky, we went three months last year and he didn't even notice - he doesn't seem to enjoy it anymore and we just do the deed, there's no kissing or caressing like there used to be. I have no idea what to do. I am so sexually aroused by him and find him just as attractive as I always did, but because he constantly shuts me down I have started forcing myself not to appreciate his body or enjoy his touch, because I hate how weak I am and that he can always turn me on but I can never turn him on. I have started fantasising about being with other men and find myself revelling in having male friends that tell me I'm sexually attractive. The sickening thing is that I don't want to have these thoughts, I don't want to look at other men. I would be so happy to be with him and be faithful to him, but if I don't get reinforcement from somewhere that I am still a sexually attractive woman then I will honestly shrivel up and die, I can already feel a part of me doing that. I actually can't handle this. But I love him so much, and I know he loves me so much, we would both be devastated if we broke up. But I honestly feel that if I stayed with him and this kept happening I would cheat on him, I need to feel that with someone. I'm already cheating on him in my mind and it makes me so sad. I'm scared that I'm damaging myself psychologically by being in this relationship and that I will develop serious sexual issues like he has because of being with him. I just don't know what to do. I am so lost. All I want is to be wanted again.
July 2, 2015 - 9:13pmThis Comment
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