I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. At first we were having sex 2 or 3 times a night when we were with each other. It was the best sex I had ever had - he seemed so intuitive and emotionally connected. After a few months the sex dwindled. It became less and less about giving me pleasure and seemed like a chore to him. His wife had had an affair - they had divorced - and he said that it was because he had been hurt so badly. I bring it up every now and again, but he gets cross that I am being relentless about it and always bringing it up! It's very difficult to talk to him about it which makes the whole thing 10 times worse. He has said he would see a doctor - one of the things may be a lack of testosterone which affects libido. I have never been in this situation before, it's normally been me saying that I'm a bit tired tonight! I have trained as a counsellor and try to consider what the root cause is. I have always been extremely empathetic but why he cannot understand it from my perspective baffles me. Cant or wont? Very frustrating. Although he says it has never happened to him before - which make me feel just great(!) - I don't believe him. I wonder whether this has happened in all his relationships. I blame his upbringing, his poor relationship with his mother, his years stuck away at boarding school, his mistrust of women generally. I am considering ending our relationship as surely sex and intimacy is fundamental, however we get on so well its a very difficult decision to stay or leave.
This from the Huff Post may address what the root issues can be.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gail-gross/why-doesnt-he-want-to-have-sex-with-me_b_5072472.html
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I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. At first we were having sex 2 or 3 times a night when we were with each other. It was the best sex I had ever had - he seemed so intuitive and emotionally connected. After a few months the sex dwindled. It became less and less about giving me pleasure and seemed like a chore to him. His wife had had an affair - they had divorced - and he said that it was because he had been hurt so badly. I bring it up every now and again, but he gets cross that I am being relentless about it and always bringing it up! It's very difficult to talk to him about it which makes the whole thing 10 times worse. He has said he would see a doctor - one of the things may be a lack of testosterone which affects libido. I have never been in this situation before, it's normally been me saying that I'm a bit tired tonight! I have trained as a counsellor and try to consider what the root cause is. I have always been extremely empathetic but why he cannot understand it from my perspective baffles me. Cant or wont? Very frustrating. Although he says it has never happened to him before - which make me feel just great(!) - I don't believe him. I wonder whether this has happened in all his relationships. I blame his upbringing, his poor relationship with his mother, his years stuck away at boarding school, his mistrust of women generally. I am considering ending our relationship as surely sex and intimacy is fundamental, however we get on so well its a very difficult decision to stay or leave.
This from the Huff Post may address what the root issues can be.
August 7, 2017 - 3:36amhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gail-gross/why-doesnt-he-want-to-have-sex-with-me_b_5072472.html
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