Hello, and thank you for sharing your questions and concerns with the community. It's stories like yours that help other women not feel alone and I can assure you that you are indeed not alone in this! I'd love to give you some helpful hits to get you through this bump in the road.
As you already know, a healthy sexual relationship takes a lot of communication. The best way to address this subject is surprisingly in the moment.
Before I expand on that, I want you to do a little exercise. This is a technique that even sports psychologist teach. You must visualize exactly what you want in a partner situation. I have a feeling you already have a scenario in mind that you would love to re-inacted with your partner. Now that you have it in your head the only way to execute is by taking the lead.
Your partner, at this point, is only going off perhaps personal experience, misunderstood q's, and a genuine desire to please you. The one thing he is missing is an accurate concept of what you want! This is not his fault, and of course you know that. The best way for him to find out what you want however is not by you telling him, but by you showing him.
Do not feel like you are depriving him by trying things "your way." You will find that he will enjoy your time together much more when he sees that you are satisfied. There is no need to have a long discussion before hand. Show him what you want in the moment. He will appreciate finally know how to please you without guessing and failing.
I know this is a delicate subject, and with all the artificial sexual visuals out there it is necessary to kill the myths that tend to infiltrate our relationships.
If you want to explore the subject even more, I'd like to recommend The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm by Anne Koedt written in 1970. Koedt was a feminist but it contains information that many women can relate to and I believe you would too considering what you have shared.
I wish you good luck on this journey. Let us know if you have any more questions.
Comment Reply
Hello, and thank you for sharing your questions and concerns with the community. It's stories like yours that help other women not feel alone and I can assure you that you are indeed not alone in this! I'd love to give you some helpful hits to get you through this bump in the road.
As you already know, a healthy sexual relationship takes a lot of communication. The best way to address this subject is surprisingly in the moment.
Before I expand on that, I want you to do a little exercise. This is a technique that even sports psychologist teach. You must visualize exactly what you want in a partner situation. I have a feeling you already have a scenario in mind that you would love to re-inacted with your partner. Now that you have it in your head the only way to execute is by taking the lead.
Your partner, at this point, is only going off perhaps personal experience, misunderstood q's, and a genuine desire to please you. The one thing he is missing is an accurate concept of what you want! This is not his fault, and of course you know that. The best way for him to find out what you want however is not by you telling him, but by you showing him.
Do not feel like you are depriving him by trying things "your way." You will find that he will enjoy your time together much more when he sees that you are satisfied. There is no need to have a long discussion before hand. Show him what you want in the moment. He will appreciate finally know how to please you without guessing and failing.
I know this is a delicate subject, and with all the artificial sexual visuals out there it is necessary to kill the myths that tend to infiltrate our relationships.
If you want to explore the subject even more, I'd like to recommend The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm by Anne Koedt written in 1970. Koedt was a feminist but it contains information that many women can relate to and I believe you would too considering what you have shared.
I wish you good luck on this journey. Let us know if you have any more questions.
Faith
January 10, 2015 - 9:06pmThis Comment
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