Hello and thank you for sharing your question with the community.
I would like to share with you a very useful insight from Shari Harley's book "How to Say Anything to Anyone."
Each person in a relationship has an idea of what they expect from the other person. These expectations are rarely discussed, and inevitably when one of the persons breaks or goes against the expectation of the other, problems arise. This is exactly what is happening between you and your boyfriend.
Since you did not tell him your expectations at the beginning, he will feel criticized if you tell him at this point after he has already "mess-up". So, I suggest that you go about it this way:
1. Instead of telling him what he did wrong, tell him what you would like or expect of him.
2. Be prepared to express your needs more than once.
3. If he does not wish to fulfill your expectations, you now have the liberty to tell him, since you already laid out what those expectations are.
4. If he still does not wish to fulfill your expectations, you have 2 decisions to make. You can either compromise by coming to a new agreement with each other, or let him go.
The concept of communicating your exact needs and expectations may feel awkward at first but it gives the other person a chance to be successful in the relationship.
Comment Reply
Hello and thank you for sharing your question with the community.
I would like to share with you a very useful insight from Shari Harley's book "How to Say Anything to Anyone."
Each person in a relationship has an idea of what they expect from the other person. These expectations are rarely discussed, and inevitably when one of the persons breaks or goes against the expectation of the other, problems arise. This is exactly what is happening between you and your boyfriend.
Since you did not tell him your expectations at the beginning, he will feel criticized if you tell him at this point after he has already "mess-up". So, I suggest that you go about it this way:
1. Instead of telling him what he did wrong, tell him what you would like or expect of him.
2. Be prepared to express your needs more than once.
3. If he does not wish to fulfill your expectations, you now have the liberty to tell him, since you already laid out what those expectations are.
4. If he still does not wish to fulfill your expectations, you have 2 decisions to make. You can either compromise by coming to a new agreement with each other, or let him go.
The concept of communicating your exact needs and expectations may feel awkward at first but it gives the other person a chance to be successful in the relationship.
I wish you all the best.
Faith
February 28, 2015 - 12:38pmThis Comment
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