Hello and thank you for choosing EmpowHer,
I'd love to give you some input on the subject.
First of all, it was good to try and open a conversation about it but your approve needs to be different in order for him not to simply ignore you.
Asking, "why do you watch porn?" is probably not a conversation he wants to have, ever!
But if you say "I feel undervalued, and like I'm do not satisfy you sexually. Is that true?" Now that's probably a question he would be quick to answer. And the answer is probably "no", since you do have sex often. So, that leads nicely into you saying, "hmm, well that's how it makes me feel when you watch porn."
Now this is, probably not a concept he will easily understand. If he did, he wouldn't be watching porn. So be patient. I'm sure one conversation will not convince him that it really a big deal to you. But keep in mind, getting animated or angry with him will only worsen the problem.
So, before going into a conversation, be very honest with yourself about how it makes you feel and exactly what you want. For example #1 it makes you feel like you're not enough, that he needs more (porn!) #2 End goal: that he stop watching porn.
Now! If he says, he's satisfied with you, but still keeps watching porn, you might assume he is lying to you, or that he has an addiction etc. But this is not necessarily true! It is common for men AND women in healthy, loving relationships to watch porn and it does not necessarily reflect their feelings for their significant other.
So, if he does say he loves having sex with you, believe him. If it still bothers you that he watches porn anyway, ask him not to. At that point, he can still say yes, or no. Unfortunately you can't control that. But you can change your assumption that it means you aren't good enough, because if he says you are, he is probably telling the truth. He wouldn't commit 3 years of his life with you and have a child with you if he didn't think you were enough.
Faith
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Hello and thank you for choosing EmpowHer,
October 18, 2015 - 12:30pmI'd love to give you some input on the subject.
First of all, it was good to try and open a conversation about it but your approve needs to be different in order for him not to simply ignore you.
Asking, "why do you watch porn?" is probably not a conversation he wants to have, ever!
But if you say "I feel undervalued, and like I'm do not satisfy you sexually. Is that true?" Now that's probably a question he would be quick to answer. And the answer is probably "no", since you do have sex often. So, that leads nicely into you saying, "hmm, well that's how it makes me feel when you watch porn."
Now this is, probably not a concept he will easily understand. If he did, he wouldn't be watching porn. So be patient. I'm sure one conversation will not convince him that it really a big deal to you. But keep in mind, getting animated or angry with him will only worsen the problem.
So, before going into a conversation, be very honest with yourself about how it makes you feel and exactly what you want. For example #1 it makes you feel like you're not enough, that he needs more (porn!) #2 End goal: that he stop watching porn.
Now! If he says, he's satisfied with you, but still keeps watching porn, you might assume he is lying to you, or that he has an addiction etc. But this is not necessarily true! It is common for men AND women in healthy, loving relationships to watch porn and it does not necessarily reflect their feelings for their significant other.
So, if he does say he loves having sex with you, believe him. If it still bothers you that he watches porn anyway, ask him not to. At that point, he can still say yes, or no. Unfortunately you can't control that. But you can change your assumption that it means you aren't good enough, because if he says you are, he is probably telling the truth. He wouldn't commit 3 years of his life with you and have a child with you if he didn't think you were enough.
Faith
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