The neurotypical have a real problem understanding people who don't think like they do. Autism spaces are full of mothers wanting their kids fixed, railing about what broke their children; was it vaccines?
This means that the idea that you can find a mental health professional who will understand the experience of growing up with (in my case) two Asperger's parents is severely problematic. Clinicians by in large work to offer coping skills by taking you back to a time before trauma, a time when you had security, stability and affirmation in your life.
For children with AS parents, that time just doesn't exist. Harlow's classic wire monkey vs cloth monkey mother experiment illustrates how having a non-emotional and non-physical parent causes a lifetime of trouble. Our experience of apparently narcissistic and distressed behaviour is not just a bit of maladaptive behaviour to be addressed, it is the deepest.
I spent my life as the target patient for a family with two Aspergers parents, meaning I not only was the scapegoat, the target for pain, but was also the one who developed mature coping strategies. I did the therapy for the family and I took care of them for the last decade, translating the world with hard won skills and massive amounts of self-denial.
The emotional costs of my life, though, continue to pound at me, no matter how much therapy I do. The body keeps the score, as Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk notes, and without effective mirroring, people who can understand and reflect the experience rather than finding it incomprehensible, finding ways to develop the trust that never was supported in early development is impossible.
I assure you that no matter how much I talk about my experience, without those who can listen to and understand my experience, it continues to be a massive obstacle.
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The neurotypical have a real problem understanding people who don't think like they do. Autism spaces are full of mothers wanting their kids fixed, railing about what broke their children; was it vaccines?
This means that the idea that you can find a mental health professional who will understand the experience of growing up with (in my case) two Asperger's parents is severely problematic. Clinicians by in large work to offer coping skills by taking you back to a time before trauma, a time when you had security, stability and affirmation in your life.
For children with AS parents, that time just doesn't exist. Harlow's classic wire monkey vs cloth monkey mother experiment illustrates how having a non-emotional and non-physical parent causes a lifetime of trouble. Our experience of apparently narcissistic and distressed behaviour is not just a bit of maladaptive behaviour to be addressed, it is the deepest.
I spent my life as the target patient for a family with two Aspergers parents, meaning I not only was the scapegoat, the target for pain, but was also the one who developed mature coping strategies. I did the therapy for the family and I took care of them for the last decade, translating the world with hard won skills and massive amounts of self-denial.
The emotional costs of my life, though, continue to pound at me, no matter how much therapy I do. The body keeps the score, as Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk notes, and without effective mirroring, people who can understand and reflect the experience rather than finding it incomprehensible, finding ways to develop the trust that never was supported in early development is impossible.
I assure you that no matter how much I talk about my experience, without those who can listen to and understand my experience, it continues to be a massive obstacle.
June 4, 2016 - 7:57amThis Comment
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