First thank you for all sharing your experiences, it is so valuable to read this and know that I am not alone, selfish or crazy as some folk seem to think.
I'm 40 and have just realised that my mother 73 may have aspergers which would explain a hell of a lot in regard to family life and outcome.
I've always felt like I have parented my mother and been walking on eggshells in good child mode to keep things ok for her to prevent her emotional sad weeping outbursts. I have felt guilty all my life that I have not been able to connect with her and even guilter now as my parents are divorced and she is living in a nursing home with myself as her main support. I still feel huge resentment and frustration that I continue to care for her as a child and can not leave the country (I returned to my home country to check on my mother's health and have been obliged to remain as there is no one else to help her. My sister simply isn't able to deal with her). I feel like I have had enormous parts of my life devoured by 'this', I even left the country to escape her hopes for me to be a check out chick on finishing high school.
I know she 'loves' me but she has no idea how to express this and everything seems to be on my shoulders to support and comfort her through life. Recently her sister passed away (whom I am not very close to) and all I could think was dear god what will I say when it's her turn I have sooooo much resentment and frustration I can't remember the good things. SO I really tried and I thought of a few things but my childhood was numb, I'm sure my father was in numb mode to survive until his children were 18 and he could finally leave.....
I don't want for this to be the story of my relationship with my mother for the rest of our lives. I want to want to visit her and not feel like I am her employed carer. I want to be able to have some kind of connection or relationship even if it isn't deep. The disconnect is so huge for me and it's a real struggle to take care of her how I would like to as I block myself all the time feeling the burden lumped on me and that makes me feel even worse about myself.
I have done a great deal of work on myself to break through the emptyness, depression, anxiety etc and it's helping but I really am not in a great place as a single 40 yr old woman. It's all beginning to make sense but where do I go from here. How can I best help myself to lead a full filling life on all levels including having a loving relationship? And how can I salvage some kind of relationship with my mother before her time comes?
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Hi All,
First thank you for all sharing your experiences, it is so valuable to read this and know that I am not alone, selfish or crazy as some folk seem to think.
I'm 40 and have just realised that my mother 73 may have aspergers which would explain a hell of a lot in regard to family life and outcome.
I've always felt like I have parented my mother and been walking on eggshells in good child mode to keep things ok for her to prevent her emotional sad weeping outbursts. I have felt guilty all my life that I have not been able to connect with her and even guilter now as my parents are divorced and she is living in a nursing home with myself as her main support. I still feel huge resentment and frustration that I continue to care for her as a child and can not leave the country (I returned to my home country to check on my mother's health and have been obliged to remain as there is no one else to help her. My sister simply isn't able to deal with her). I feel like I have had enormous parts of my life devoured by 'this', I even left the country to escape her hopes for me to be a check out chick on finishing high school.
December 10, 2016 - 7:27pmI know she 'loves' me but she has no idea how to express this and everything seems to be on my shoulders to support and comfort her through life. Recently her sister passed away (whom I am not very close to) and all I could think was dear god what will I say when it's her turn I have sooooo much resentment and frustration I can't remember the good things. SO I really tried and I thought of a few things but my childhood was numb, I'm sure my father was in numb mode to survive until his children were 18 and he could finally leave.....
I don't want for this to be the story of my relationship with my mother for the rest of our lives. I want to want to visit her and not feel like I am her employed carer. I want to be able to have some kind of connection or relationship even if it isn't deep. The disconnect is so huge for me and it's a real struggle to take care of her how I would like to as I block myself all the time feeling the burden lumped on me and that makes me feel even worse about myself.
I have done a great deal of work on myself to break through the emptyness, depression, anxiety etc and it's helping but I really am not in a great place as a single 40 yr old woman. It's all beginning to make sense but where do I go from here. How can I best help myself to lead a full filling life on all levels including having a loving relationship? And how can I salvage some kind of relationship with my mother before her time comes?
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