Alcohol does cause the mind and body to relax. Many people use it to relax before sex. But if you've never had alcohol before, you probably should not drink for the first time in addition to having sex for the first time.
Experiencing both at the same time, for the first time, may cause you anxiety! Plus the added stress of keeping secrets, does not help. So try drinking a few times before you have sex. This way you know exactly how the wine itself makes you feel.
I also sense that your husband is treating as inferior by not "allowing" you to see a therapist. He does not own you, and should not have the power to control you in this way. Also if he sees you as equal, and loves you, he will also accept everything in your past.
I know you love your husband, but be careful not to put yourself through fearful and stressful situations for him if he's treating you as inferior. Take care of your own needs first. If he's not putting your needs first, at least you can do it for yourself.
Keep in mind that first-time sex does not have to be painful! If you are relaxed, well lubricated, and sexually aroused, your vaginal muscles will relax and easily experience pleasure instead of pain. Wine can definitely help. I also suggest you get a hypoallergenic water-based lubrication from any drug store. Your body produces its own lubrication when aroused, however a bit more lubrication always helps!
Another key to enjoying sex is to know your own body. Explore what "turns you on." The reason why this is so important is because your husband will not know how to pleasure you automatically. You need to show/tell him.
In conclusion, I want to highlight that loving someone means accepting their past as well. If you feel afraid of what your husband might do to you if he knows of your past, that means he is not loving you. This is not your fault. You should always feel that being with your husband is the safest place on earth. If you don't feel safe with him, trust your instincts. Keep yourself safe first.
Below I have pasted a link to an article that talks more about signs of an unhealthy relationship:
https://www.empowher.com/domestic-abuse/content/are-you-abusive-relationship-8-warning-signs
Comment Reply
Hello and welcome to EmpowHer,
Alcohol does cause the mind and body to relax. Many people use it to relax before sex. But if you've never had alcohol before, you probably should not drink for the first time in addition to having sex for the first time.
Experiencing both at the same time, for the first time, may cause you anxiety! Plus the added stress of keeping secrets, does not help. So try drinking a few times before you have sex. This way you know exactly how the wine itself makes you feel.
I also sense that your husband is treating as inferior by not "allowing" you to see a therapist. He does not own you, and should not have the power to control you in this way. Also if he sees you as equal, and loves you, he will also accept everything in your past.
I know you love your husband, but be careful not to put yourself through fearful and stressful situations for him if he's treating you as inferior. Take care of your own needs first. If he's not putting your needs first, at least you can do it for yourself.
Keep in mind that first-time sex does not have to be painful! If you are relaxed, well lubricated, and sexually aroused, your vaginal muscles will relax and easily experience pleasure instead of pain. Wine can definitely help. I also suggest you get a hypoallergenic water-based lubrication from any drug store. Your body produces its own lubrication when aroused, however a bit more lubrication always helps!
Another key to enjoying sex is to know your own body. Explore what "turns you on." The reason why this is so important is because your husband will not know how to pleasure you automatically. You need to show/tell him.
In conclusion, I want to highlight that loving someone means accepting their past as well. If you feel afraid of what your husband might do to you if he knows of your past, that means he is not loving you. This is not your fault. You should always feel that being with your husband is the safest place on earth. If you don't feel safe with him, trust your instincts. Keep yourself safe first.
Below I have pasted a link to an article that talks more about signs of an unhealthy relationship:
https://www.empowher.com/domestic-abuse/content/are-you-abusive-relationship-8-warning-signs
Faith
February 20, 2016 - 8:32pmThis Comment
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