Hello, I am sorry you're dealing with this and give you kudos to opening up not just in therapy but in a forum such as this. I wouldn't be so quick to jump all over the intimacy issues and his frequent pornographic fetish. There could be underlying circumstances for his behavior and he's not yet opened up to you. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and being a very sexual woman I found it odd that my bf and I rarely engaged in intercourse, that is until he opened up to me and told me he was an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. He has since started going to therapy and though it is difficult at times he and I are working through the issues to create new memories and experiences for him. I'm not saying this is the case of your fella I'm just saying things sometimes are not what we always are used to assuming they are. NOW in regards to his lack of motivation, goals, money management and you paying for everything. There is no cure for that, I'm sorry honey. As a grown man it is his duty AS A MAN to be able to take care of himself, manage his finances, and if he is going to date a woman he should be able to do so without her flipping the bill all the time. In my entire adult life I was the girl who thought she was an independent woman, free to do as she pleases, able to ask a man out on a date, and pay for her own. Well somehow that turned into always doing the asking, always paying and eventually that seemed to be all I was attracting. It wasn't until my 44th birthday, 9 years after the birth of my daughter (whose father is STILL that same guy I met long ago with poor money management skills, who still has no goal or direction in life) and I finally realized I am worth more. I changed MY perspective, I am still that independent wooman, who now takes care of herself PLUS a mini me in tow, I can still pay for my own plate and drink BUT I don't. I started going on dates without my purse, I only brought my ID and I left my money and cards locked in my glove box. I stopped asking men out, I stopped offering to buy them coffee or drinks. That year was probably the most I dated in my entire adult life and never once have I paid for anything. I was dating 4 men at the time I ran into my current bf to this day I still don't pay for dates. I've never had to pay his bills and he would never ask. Long story short if you know you're attractive then YOU KNOW you're worth more. I'm sorry to say this man child will not change and as long as you're paying for things why should he. You deserve to be loved, cherished, adored, respected and yes girl friend taken care of. You're a lady, make the men in your life treat you as such and they aren't man enough, it WILL hurt, but that's when you walk away. My daughter was two when I walked away and here I am today I survived and my guy treats me like the lady and woman I am today! Heart hug to you and good luck!
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Hello, I am sorry you're dealing with this and give you kudos to opening up not just in therapy but in a forum such as this. I wouldn't be so quick to jump all over the intimacy issues and his frequent pornographic fetish. There could be underlying circumstances for his behavior and he's not yet opened up to you. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and being a very sexual woman I found it odd that my bf and I rarely engaged in intercourse, that is until he opened up to me and told me he was an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. He has since started going to therapy and though it is difficult at times he and I are working through the issues to create new memories and experiences for him. I'm not saying this is the case of your fella I'm just saying things sometimes are not what we always are used to assuming they are. NOW in regards to his lack of motivation, goals, money management and you paying for everything. There is no cure for that, I'm sorry honey. As a grown man it is his duty AS A MAN to be able to take care of himself, manage his finances, and if he is going to date a woman he should be able to do so without her flipping the bill all the time. In my entire adult life I was the girl who thought she was an independent woman, free to do as she pleases, able to ask a man out on a date, and pay for her own. Well somehow that turned into always doing the asking, always paying and eventually that seemed to be all I was attracting. It wasn't until my 44th birthday, 9 years after the birth of my daughter (whose father is STILL that same guy I met long ago with poor money management skills, who still has no goal or direction in life) and I finally realized I am worth more. I changed MY perspective, I am still that independent wooman, who now takes care of herself PLUS a mini me in tow, I can still pay for my own plate and drink BUT I don't. I started going on dates without my purse, I only brought my ID and I left my money and cards locked in my glove box. I stopped asking men out, I stopped offering to buy them coffee or drinks. That year was probably the most I dated in my entire adult life and never once have I paid for anything. I was dating 4 men at the time I ran into my current bf to this day I still don't pay for dates. I've never had to pay his bills and he would never ask. Long story short if you know you're attractive then YOU KNOW you're worth more. I'm sorry to say this man child will not change and as long as you're paying for things why should he. You deserve to be loved, cherished, adored, respected and yes girl friend taken care of. You're a lady, make the men in your life treat you as such and they aren't man enough, it WILL hurt, but that's when you walk away. My daughter was two when I walked away and here I am today I survived and my guy treats me like the lady and woman I am today! Heart hug to you and good luck!
March 24, 2016 - 8:56amThis Comment
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