As a child, I was light years ahead of my peers. I rated out of this world on standardized testing and never had to even think about cracking a book until I reached a university level. However, in the beginning of Jr. High I fell into a depression. I blamed it on my parents for moving us across the country. Looking back at it now is still hard and can bring tears of frustration. Culture shock for an adolescent with AS can be truly life altering. I wanted so bad to be "normal," and just felt like that wasn't the case. My saving grace was the fact that I was intelligent and I was also attractive. Not to sound narcissistic, but its amazing the things that society will over look because you're pretty.
When I was 12 I was diagnosed with ADHD and immediately placed on medication. My grades got back on track despite my moods. However, emotionally I felt like I was further and further out of touch with reality. The anxiety that would overcome me in a simple conversation with my friends was enough to render me thoughtless and cause me to hide. Without the knowledge of my parents or my doctors I quit taking my prescriptions. I wound up hanging out with people much older than myself. I felt like we could have more intelligent conversations and then emotions wouldn't play such a large part. I didn't have to read people as much when they were speaking in reference to facts. This was definitely a growing point for me because I was able to begin to understand subtleties in people. Later I applied these to emotional conversations. After these people graduated and left my high school, I was again stuck with peers I couldn't face. Worst of all, I didn't know why I couldn't face them. Did everyone feel this way? What was wrong with me? One on one social situations would nearly provoke panic attacks. A sense of paranoia would surround me unless I was at home, alone, in my room. Eventually I met my first boyfriend, but it was quite the dramatic relationship. Everything I did, I did to please. I wanted to know that I was loved and accepted all the time. I wanted to know that his thoughts were on me, and pleasing me, as much as mine were on his happiness. My incessant neediness and inability to be happy without knowledge of acceptance led us to frustration. After we broke up I began self medication. Since I was still very young at this point (14/15), that consisted of anything I was capable of getting my hands on as a means of escape. ...paint thinners, nail polish removers, gasoline, polish dryers, computer cleaner... any and all chemicals that could inebriate me. Now, I thank God everyday that I am still alive, and cancer free. My depression had taken a turn for the worse. No one even really noticed.
Then I took a public speaking class. I was petrified. I couldn't talk to these people by themselves, let alone 40 at once. But then I got up there and it didn't bother me. I went on through my speech, brilliantly, as if I never gave it a second thought. I could talk to groups, because they didn't talk back. I took that and ran with it, pursuing a political high school career and graduating a year ahead with honors.
My last year at my junior college, I crashed and burned. Hard. I was working in a restaurant, 40+ hours a week and doing 15 hours in classes. My life at work was good. My home life with my parents was falling apart. My mother was used to me hanging on her every word, and I no longer was. I was trying to grow up. When I stepped onto the campus, it was high school all over again. I began self medicating again, this time with less dangerous means. By the end of the spring semester the combination of these stressors had rendered me completely inoperable and I remember laying on the doctor's couch in a pile of tears, and frustration, and rage. I spilled my guts. I took tests. I was given medications. When I left that day I was diagnosed with AS and given a prescription for an anti anxiety medication. I began reading everything I could on the subject. I still have a lot to understand. To this day, I've never admitted that diagnosis to a soul. I do the best I can to be aware of it, and work through it, and keep it from being a disability.
I'm still young (almost 20) and I have a long ways to go. But I think people overlook a key aspect to AS in young girls and women... the fact that they make a huge effort to understand emotions. Its taken to the point that its so over analytical that they miss the big picture. Its like noticing a chip in a windshield rather than a huge crack. The huge crack is overwhelming and the chip is easier to accept and fix. Its no secret how detail oriented individuals with AS can be. The best advice I can give someone with AS is to take those issues and work with them. I'm fortunate enough to have a couple friends who have seen me through everything and have been very loyal. These people will tell you that I know them better than anyone. I pick up on little things about their personalities that not even their parents are capable of. The best advice I can give to a parent, or someone who must deal with AS is to stay educated on the subject. And know the individual. Don't play into their every whim, but if you sense that they are searching for something, help to point them in the right direction. Do what you can to relieve the sever stress and anxiety. To a degree they need to learn to cope. Never hesitate to help them break down and examine a social situation from the outside. Later, they'll be able to handle similar situations if they can recall it as a familiar dynamic.
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As a child, I was light years ahead of my peers. I rated out of this world on standardized testing and never had to even think about cracking a book until I reached a university level. However, in the beginning of Jr. High I fell into a depression. I blamed it on my parents for moving us across the country. Looking back at it now is still hard and can bring tears of frustration. Culture shock for an adolescent with AS can be truly life altering. I wanted so bad to be "normal," and just felt like that wasn't the case. My saving grace was the fact that I was intelligent and I was also attractive. Not to sound narcissistic, but its amazing the things that society will over look because you're pretty.
February 24, 2010 - 1:57pmWhen I was 12 I was diagnosed with ADHD and immediately placed on medication. My grades got back on track despite my moods. However, emotionally I felt like I was further and further out of touch with reality. The anxiety that would overcome me in a simple conversation with my friends was enough to render me thoughtless and cause me to hide. Without the knowledge of my parents or my doctors I quit taking my prescriptions. I wound up hanging out with people much older than myself. I felt like we could have more intelligent conversations and then emotions wouldn't play such a large part. I didn't have to read people as much when they were speaking in reference to facts. This was definitely a growing point for me because I was able to begin to understand subtleties in people. Later I applied these to emotional conversations. After these people graduated and left my high school, I was again stuck with peers I couldn't face. Worst of all, I didn't know why I couldn't face them. Did everyone feel this way? What was wrong with me? One on one social situations would nearly provoke panic attacks. A sense of paranoia would surround me unless I was at home, alone, in my room. Eventually I met my first boyfriend, but it was quite the dramatic relationship. Everything I did, I did to please. I wanted to know that I was loved and accepted all the time. I wanted to know that his thoughts were on me, and pleasing me, as much as mine were on his happiness. My incessant neediness and inability to be happy without knowledge of acceptance led us to frustration. After we broke up I began self medication. Since I was still very young at this point (14/15), that consisted of anything I was capable of getting my hands on as a means of escape. ...paint thinners, nail polish removers, gasoline, polish dryers, computer cleaner... any and all chemicals that could inebriate me. Now, I thank God everyday that I am still alive, and cancer free. My depression had taken a turn for the worse. No one even really noticed.
Then I took a public speaking class. I was petrified. I couldn't talk to these people by themselves, let alone 40 at once. But then I got up there and it didn't bother me. I went on through my speech, brilliantly, as if I never gave it a second thought. I could talk to groups, because they didn't talk back. I took that and ran with it, pursuing a political high school career and graduating a year ahead with honors.
My last year at my junior college, I crashed and burned. Hard. I was working in a restaurant, 40+ hours a week and doing 15 hours in classes. My life at work was good. My home life with my parents was falling apart. My mother was used to me hanging on her every word, and I no longer was. I was trying to grow up. When I stepped onto the campus, it was high school all over again. I began self medicating again, this time with less dangerous means. By the end of the spring semester the combination of these stressors had rendered me completely inoperable and I remember laying on the doctor's couch in a pile of tears, and frustration, and rage. I spilled my guts. I took tests. I was given medications. When I left that day I was diagnosed with AS and given a prescription for an anti anxiety medication. I began reading everything I could on the subject. I still have a lot to understand. To this day, I've never admitted that diagnosis to a soul. I do the best I can to be aware of it, and work through it, and keep it from being a disability.
I'm still young (almost 20) and I have a long ways to go. But I think people overlook a key aspect to AS in young girls and women... the fact that they make a huge effort to understand emotions. Its taken to the point that its so over analytical that they miss the big picture. Its like noticing a chip in a windshield rather than a huge crack. The huge crack is overwhelming and the chip is easier to accept and fix. Its no secret how detail oriented individuals with AS can be. The best advice I can give someone with AS is to take those issues and work with them. I'm fortunate enough to have a couple friends who have seen me through everything and have been very loyal. These people will tell you that I know them better than anyone. I pick up on little things about their personalities that not even their parents are capable of. The best advice I can give to a parent, or someone who must deal with AS is to stay educated on the subject. And know the individual. Don't play into their every whim, but if you sense that they are searching for something, help to point them in the right direction. Do what you can to relieve the sever stress and anxiety. To a degree they need to learn to cope. Never hesitate to help them break down and examine a social situation from the outside. Later, they'll be able to handle similar situations if they can recall it as a familiar dynamic.
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