In an interview with MSNBC, Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital said it’s normal for a parent to feel nervous and sad about new school beginnings. Here’s some helpful excerpts from the rest of the interview along with some great tips on adjusting.
"It is a leap in both development and independence when your child begins a new school. Parents often see this as their child moving away from them, and needing them less. They then anticipate the day when their child will truly be an adult and be really independent and separate. Even though intellectually you know this is healthy and good for your child, it still hurts.
It is also hard to leave them in the care of new teachers and other strangers you don't know.
The feeling of separation anxiety is more likely to come up now if you had it when you were a child. You may be partially reliving your own childhood memories and now placing them onto your child.
Another cause for the anxiety may be guilt. You may be feeling unconscious guilt about the part of you that wants them to go to school, so you can have a break and do other things in life besides caring for them. When you are not fully aware of this guilt, it may cause you to feel you are a bad parent. You feel that you are wishing relief from your child - which you aren't – and that you should be trying to hold onto them more tightly. This only increases your separation anxiety and probably theirs too.
Realizing these feelings are normal, within limits, is important. There are things you can do ahead of time to get some relief when that day in September comes:
Check out the school beforehand
Seeing where they will be, and meeting some teachers can diminish your anxiety. The known is always less scary than the unknown.
Talk to other parents
Finding out that you are not alone with your feelings is a great source of relief. Plan a parent's coffee to share your sadness.
Start a new hobby
If your child is older, and it's more about sad empty nest, then start a new hobby. Giving "birth" to a new creative endeavor can really be distracting. It can also demonstrate that this is the beginning of an interesting new time in your life.
Sort out your feelings
Understanding your true feelings can really help. Figure out if what you are feeling is guilt, anxiety or sadness. Is it more about some ideal that you "should" be with your child all the time? Is it a fear that with your child at school, you will have no role? Understanding what drives the difficult emotion you are experiencing will help. If necessary, seek professional help."
You may also feel better if you understand what your child is going through during the first year and that knowledge may offer you some comfort should you notice changes in behavior, communication, etc.
If you would like to learn more, Kids Health has an excellent summary of what students can expect their first year at college.
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Thanks so much for sharing.
In an interview with MSNBC, Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital said it’s normal for a parent to feel nervous and sad about new school beginnings. Here’s some helpful excerpts from the rest of the interview along with some great tips on adjusting.
"It is a leap in both development and independence when your child begins a new school. Parents often see this as their child moving away from them, and needing them less. They then anticipate the day when their child will truly be an adult and be really independent and separate. Even though intellectually you know this is healthy and good for your child, it still hurts.
It is also hard to leave them in the care of new teachers and other strangers you don't know.
The feeling of separation anxiety is more likely to come up now if you had it when you were a child. You may be partially reliving your own childhood memories and now placing them onto your child.
Another cause for the anxiety may be guilt. You may be feeling unconscious guilt about the part of you that wants them to go to school, so you can have a break and do other things in life besides caring for them. When you are not fully aware of this guilt, it may cause you to feel you are a bad parent. You feel that you are wishing relief from your child - which you aren't – and that you should be trying to hold onto them more tightly. This only increases your separation anxiety and probably theirs too.
Realizing these feelings are normal, within limits, is important. There are things you can do ahead of time to get some relief when that day in September comes:
Check out the school beforehand
Seeing where they will be, and meeting some teachers can diminish your anxiety. The known is always less scary than the unknown.
Talk to other parents
Finding out that you are not alone with your feelings is a great source of relief. Plan a parent's coffee to share your sadness.
Start a new hobby
If your child is older, and it's more about sad empty nest, then start a new hobby. Giving "birth" to a new creative endeavor can really be distracting. It can also demonstrate that this is the beginning of an interesting new time in your life.
Sort out your feelings
Understanding your true feelings can really help. Figure out if what you are feeling is guilt, anxiety or sadness. Is it more about some ideal that you "should" be with your child all the time? Is it a fear that with your child at school, you will have no role? Understanding what drives the difficult emotion you are experiencing will help. If necessary, seek professional help."
You may also feel better if you understand what your child is going through during the first year and that knowledge may offer you some comfort should you notice changes in behavior, communication, etc.
If you would like to learn more, Kids Health has an excellent summary of what students can expect their first year at college.
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/school/college.html
April 23, 2008 - 10:17amThis Comment
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