My son is not quite 2, so I'm very interested in learning what to do when the time comes...because he is definitely having more opinions now and asserting himself! :-)
I read Susan's post, and one of the things she mentioned triggered my memory---I read the same thing in a book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I didn't agree with many (most?) of the ideas in the book, but what the author did say that I agree with is: toddlers are like little cavemen and cavewomen. They won't understand reasoning, but they will understand "cave talk"! ha!
I did not feel comfortable talking to my son in their suggested cave-talk, but what helpful advice I did get out of it: toddlers understand very short, quick, passionate phrases. If they are having a temper tantrum, the most important thing is they want to feel "heard" and "understood" (don't we all?!). So, when we try to calm them down, it's like someone not "hearing" us and not validating us when we're upset. So, the book recommends using the same amount of urgency, energy and passion behind your remarks to your child (in a kind, gentle way...no yelling) to "mimick" your child's emotions. Something like, "I am mad! Mad, mad mad!". (not sure how to balance the mimicking cave-talk vs. teasing/making fun of them). This is supposed to get their attention, they feel understood, then when they've calmed down enough to be able to hear their two choices ("do you want to wear the red shirt or green shirt"), they can make their choice. Could work, depending on the situation?!
Another book my mom friends are reading is: "Parenting with Love and Logic".
Tell us how the new "tricks" go with your daughter, and which ones work! :-)
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My son is not quite 2, so I'm very interested in learning what to do when the time comes...because he is definitely having more opinions now and asserting himself! :-)
I read Susan's post, and one of the things she mentioned triggered my memory---I read the same thing in a book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I didn't agree with many (most?) of the ideas in the book, but what the author did say that I agree with is: toddlers are like little cavemen and cavewomen. They won't understand reasoning, but they will understand "cave talk"! ha!
I did not feel comfortable talking to my son in their suggested cave-talk, but what helpful advice I did get out of it: toddlers understand very short, quick, passionate phrases. If they are having a temper tantrum, the most important thing is they want to feel "heard" and "understood" (don't we all?!). So, when we try to calm them down, it's like someone not "hearing" us and not validating us when we're upset. So, the book recommends using the same amount of urgency, energy and passion behind your remarks to your child (in a kind, gentle way...no yelling) to "mimick" your child's emotions. Something like, "I am mad! Mad, mad mad!". (not sure how to balance the mimicking cave-talk vs. teasing/making fun of them). This is supposed to get their attention, they feel understood, then when they've calmed down enough to be able to hear their two choices ("do you want to wear the red shirt or green shirt"), they can make their choice. Could work, depending on the situation?!
Another book my mom friends are reading is: "Parenting with Love and Logic".
Tell us how the new "tricks" go with your daughter, and which ones work! :-)
June 19, 2008 - 12:51pmThis Comment
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