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We have been married for less than a year and since we got married our sex life hasn't been that good. We have sex on average once a week or once every 2weeks, and most of the time i'm the one asking for it. Before getting married we were in a long distance relationship for almost a year and before that dated for 2 months and had a great sex life. But since our marriage and me moving in things have been going bad on all levels. We were fighting a lot at the begining and this obviously affected our sex life. I tried to discuss this with him but he said that we are both stressed and things will improve. Now i'm pregnant, it wasn't planned but it certainly not helping in our sex life. Just few weeks back i walked in on him while he's masturbating in the shower. I was devastated, it never occured to me before that he could be doing this. I know that he likes to sit in the bath tub for hours and have long showers in the morning but it never crossed my mind that he would be doing something else. He saw how sad i was and told me that he was just getting ready to come to bed and have sex with me. I knew he was lying and felt bad the whole day. Since that day, i'm obsessed about catching him masturbating in the shower. I'm definitely not letting him know that and i'm trying to find a way to make things better for us. I love my husband so much and i know he loves me but obviously he's not sexually attracted to me. Now i'm asking him for sex all the time, and usually he finds an excuse not to and sometimes he feels bad and would have sex with me so i don't feel bad. So basically if i don't ask for sex we don't have it. This situation is really upsetting me and i don't know what to do about it, i can walk completely naked in front of him and he wouldn't notice me. This is definitely killing my self esteem, it hurts so much having my husband prefering to masturbate while i'm very willing. Before we were married he was asking frequently for anal sex and i always refused and now i even suggested it to him and still he's not that interested.
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Add a Comment25 Comments
I'm happy to read another person believing that a married man masterbating is cheating. Thank you! I get really frustrated because my husband did master age behind my back and would lie to me about it. One day I saw his web browser full of porn and was so hurt that he would spend up to 2 hours watching porn or looking up Kim kardashian nudes. It hurt me because I'm a beautiful 28yr old woman. I feel he barely notices me. He won't spend more than a second looking at me but, will use his time looking at other woman and imaging having sex with them. We separated because of the lying and how he decided to handle the situation instead of being honest and talking about it. We are back together but, I'm still scared and think he may still be lying and masterbating.
November 5, 2016 - 9:35pmThis Comment
I'm sorry, but it's not about you. Chances are he has more need than you have desire, and instead of constantly coming after you for sex and be made to feel guilty and selfish for it (like my wife has done to me for over a decade, so I'm speaking from experience here) he's taking matters into his own hands quickly and in a way that doesn't run it in your face. A lesser man would cheat, understand that loud and clear.
June 5, 2016 - 9:08amYou need to stop assuming you know things, especially if you won't speak to him about it. Masturbating does not in any way, shape or form indicate that he is no longer attracted to you. For all you know he's fantasizing about you, but you have already reached your conclusion without asking.
Another comment mentioned things he may want that you won't do, possibly anal or some fetish things. This could be true, too. I'm lucky in that my wife enjoys anal, and when we do have sex it ends in anal about half the time, but if she didn't enjoy it, I'd certainly look for an outlet for that want. He may be doing that instead of pushing you into things you don't enjoy.
Considering your reaction, I would certainly hope you don't touch yourself either, and if you do, realize your reasons are probably pretty similar. Stop freaking out and feeling victimized, this isn't an attack or judgement on you, he wants to cum. Either get involved and expand your horizons or chill out and accept it. Hell, next time watch him or give him some eye candy to work with. That never goes unappreciated, I promise you that.
This Comment
Hey --did you read her post? She's upset because she is throwing herself at him and basically begging for sex and getting turned down. He is choosing masturbation over fucking her--that's the problem, not that he tugs on himself from time to time--that he prefers it to intercourse with her.
September 22, 2017 - 6:06pmThis Comment
He's pounding it out in the shower because he just needs to hit it and quit it. If he did that with you, you'd feel used. He wants anal because he watches internet porn. All guys do it. If you're still having sex once or twice a week, I wouldn't worry about it.
May 29, 2016 - 2:48amThis Comment
I have a similar story that I just happend to discover this morning ....I'm devastated as well
December 2, 2015 - 12:56pmThis Comment
I am 24 weeks pregnant and my husband has been a great support throughout my pregnancy however I cannot help but wonder where he is venting his sexual energy. I think I smelt cum this morning in the down stairs loo. If he is just having a wank then fine but if he using porn as well then I will be really hurt. It doesn't matter how many replies I see from guys saying that there's nothing to worry about, it doesn't reflect his feelings for the relationship etc - while this may be true, the possibility remains that for a few moments my husband, quite simply, could be lost in another woman. I have a great figure, not like a porn star but it's pretty good so I'm not too bothered about the physical aspects. I'm sure that there are plenty of men out there who feel insecure about their endowments when they see their mail counterparts thrusting endlessly away! I can't quite put my finger on why it hurts so much. It just does. We have a great relationship but I am scared to bring up this topic because I don't want to spoil the wonderful journey of our pregnancy so far.
April 8, 2015 - 4:20amThis Comment
My wife masterbstes more than I do and we have sex like every 2 to 3 weeks. WTF is going on? I am a horny husband and I feel these vibrators are quick fast and she is done. I am about romance, sensualism and seduction. I am lean, fit and have hundreds of other women throwing themselves at me. What is wrong here? We have a 3 and 5/year old. But I still think a woman should take care of her man. Not even a f#%&kin BJ. Sorry venting...
March 30, 2015 - 7:54amThis Comment
things will improve as soon as you start having sex every day, with a foreplay. You dont like he masturbates in the shower, masturbate with him he will definitely appreciate it and this will heat your relations up.
December 5, 2014 - 5:35pmThis Comment
Just curious as to how things turned out. This sounds like my husband to a T. Has been looking at porn for over 15 years that he admits to. Went to counseling for it. Believing he is still using it and masturbating. I can tell because he is moody, not affectionate and treats me as an object. When confronted he turns it around on me.....
October 22, 2014 - 3:26pmThis Comment
All men masturbate regardless of how great their relationship is. It's normal. Masturbation is different than sex -- it's easy and uncomplicated. It doesn't mean he doesn't desire you or want to have sex with you. Honestly, women can experience this, too. Try it, seriously. Don't be too quick to judge your husband uninterested because of this. It really is normal.
July 8, 2014 - 10:29pmThis Comment