Facebook Pixel

Open Relationship-->Closed. Can this change things?

By August 20, 2009 - 9:38am
Rate This

My Boyfriend and i have been dating since this past January and met in December. At the beginning we had a completely open relationship. The reason we could do this was honesty. He would tell me whether girls were cute etc and I would either agree or disagree. We had 2 threesomes, one where I even let him have sex with her, which didn't bother me, the other the girl didn't want him to or i would have let him. My boyfriend and I thought we were on top of the world, we were different than everyone else and we were having fun and being honest with each other. Or so I thought. Months went by, he worked at his brothers shop, and I found out that he was going to whorehouse right next to work to pick up lunch for the guys at work since his work is secluded, this is a good place ot pick up lunch. the other guys couldnt because of their wives. Well to be honest, at this point we were honest with each other etc, and I really had no problem, I was a stripper at the time because with the economy I couldn't find work as quickly as I needed it. I couldn't argue the whorehouse because I was stripping.

Then I stopped stripping. Because it was bothering him. and because I didn't like the drama that was involved with that profession. Well, he continued. He lied to me every time [not everyday though] that he would go to the whorehouse, he told me hepicked up lunch and left.
July/August comes around, he was at different work for 2 months, and he decides to go back to the [mechanic] shop for work, i get scared, being away was a really nice break, i didn't have to worry about the whorehouse, so we talk. We argue and I found out that he talked to the girls about tattoos checked them out to spite me because he knew i didn't like it. WE had an AGREEMENT that we would look at girls, flirt when we were TOGETHER. he broke the trust.

Since then we decided like we did before that in order to fix our relationship we would have a closed one. he claims he doesn't want to even slightly go back to our old selves, just looking at girls together even if he and i fix our relationship because he doesn't want to ruin us.

Now, that story out of the way, now being closed and just us in our relationship and being strict with each other, he lies about stupid stuff we fight like never before, the stuff he does irritates me [snapping at me, admitting to not hearing me when i talk, not as affectionate, sex is down from quickies before work and after work to just twice a week if lucky. I tell him to make me feel wanted but I'm not sure if it's from the open relationship to closed that he's acting like this or what but he has changed 180 degrees since everything.

Is it possible that he changed his feeling towards me after realizing we cant have this unique "bond" in our relationship anymore?

Add a Comment4 Comments

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. So far things to be getting better. It's just on my end the trust issue is still difficult. But I assume it's all in the healing process.

September 15, 2009 - 10:08am

Dear Friend:
Why did your boyfriend change his behavior toward you? I have no idea. You two have been through a lot together. You used to talk honestly with each other. And that's the most important thing you two need to do now. Assuming you're both willing to do that, it sounds like the first agenda is to describe exactly what relationship each of you wants. Then you need to see if there's enough overlap between your two visions to create a relationship you both want. If not, it's time to move on.
If so, I hope you don't blame non-monogamy for your broken heart. Your story illustrates both some advantages and some disadvantages of open relationships. To date, it appears as if open relationships are as complicated and as likely to end--or succeed--as monogamous relationships.

August 23, 2009 - 2:43pm

thank you that makes me feel good <3 thanks for your help.

August 21, 2009 - 12:54pm

Hey PinkBaby, we appreciate your post. As we know, relationships can be tricky and we've turned to our relationship and sex expert Dr. Marty Klein to find out what he has to say about your situation. Sure, it is possible your boyfriend's feelings have changed, but his behavior may also be attributed to a change in the status of your relationship and he may be getting used to it. Hang in there. We should have an answer for you in a few days.

You can learn more about Dr. Klein and even watch interviews with him regarding sex and relationships by visiting this link.

August 21, 2009 - 10:42am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!