I'm 36 years old and have no libido. I have 3 small children, but I feel like my sex drive is a lot worse than it should be for someone my age.
I recently had my hormones tested and was told they were "normal". Is a testosterone level of 14 normal for someone my age?
I should elaborate and say that I was at 14 on a scale of 11-56. And I know that you only lose more testosterone as you get older - so it will only get worse. My free testosterone was 1.5 on a scale of 1.3-9.2 - that doesn't seem "normal" to me either. I know some of my problem is having 3 small children, but I think how doctors just blow you off and say you're "normal" as long as you're within the range is what upsets me.
I've been reading a lot from Dr. Elizabeth Vliet and she said you need to be about in the range of 40-60 to not have the effects of low testosterone - no stamina, low muscle tone, and low libido, etc. I think I need to go see a specialist in my area since my OB/GYN doesn't seem to be offering any help. It also irritated me that I had to ask for a copy of my results b/c they normally don't send that out.... If I hadn't asked I would have no idea how low my "normal" results actually were!
Thanks for listening to me vent!
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I have read all these comments and all these strike a nerve. I really would like to have someone give us ladies more natural ways of getting our groove back for our love. Like I would.
December 21, 2015 - 10:43pmThis Comment
Hi Kari,
The good news is that there are safe nonprescription and prescription solutions (below), many of which have been proven in published studies to increase a woman’s sex drive. Just be aware that figuring out how to increase the female sex drive is complicated because the desire to make love is influenced by so many factors including physical, emotional, relationship satisfaction, and the setting you are in. Possible causes of low sex drive in women include stress or anxiety, medications (anti-depressants, birth control pills) complexity of health issues (Diabetes, MS, cancer) and fatigue.
Of course, you should talk with your doctor. But here is a list of possible steps you can take:
April 23, 2010 - 1:08am• Have your doctor check your thyroid function.
• Check out the side effects of any medications that you may be taking.
• Zestra (nonprescription topical oil)
Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines.
• Hormone Therapies (prescription only)
Localized estrogen therapy - Placing estrogen directly into the vagina soothes vaginal tissue, and allows the secretions necessary for comfortable sex. They are available as suppository tablets, creams, or "rings," which sit inside the vagina and give off small doses of the hormone over time.
Compounded testosterone cream - Some pharmacies that make medicine from scratch offer testosterone creams and gels, but you'll need a doctor’s prescription.
This Comment
Hi, Kari:
When was the last time you took time out for yourself, or had a "girls day out" with your friends? You seem to be implying that there's something more than just being tired, stressed or having a low testosterone level. Like Allison suggestion, perhaps there's something subconscious going on that needs to be addressed.
Take good care of yourself.
September 29, 2008 - 7:25pmThis Comment
I'm wondering, after reading your question, about your brain instead of your sex drive...as the mind is the most important sex organ.
I have a toddler, and understand how tiresome children are to sexual relationships. Since your hormones are considered normal, what about the other aspects of your life? How do you feel about them, how does your partner feel about them, and is there anything that can be changed, omitted or delegated?
The reason I'm asking is, I've noticed in my life, if I don't feel that my husband is helping around the house (which means a LOT more work for me), does not show he appreciates me, is not showing affection in little ways throughout the day...then by the evening, I have no desire to be intimate with him. Some days, I'm even lucky if I take a shower before noon, which does not make me feel "sexy" by any means.
Lastly, do you feel you have the opportunity (time, energy, etc) for intimacy with your partner, in ways that are exciting and desire-building for you (for example: your partner wanting an afternoon "quickie", but you've been up for seven hours, chasing the kids, just finished feeding all three and the only thing that kept you going was to be able to sit down in peace for a few moments...just to have your partner "make a move"...). If that is the situation you are referring to as "low libido", then don't be so hard on yourself! If this does not describe your situation, can you provide us with more information and we can help.
Just a few of my thoughts...I hope to hear back from you soon!
September 28, 2008 - 1:31pmThis Comment
Hi Alison - thanks for your comments. I think that may have a little to do with it, but basically I don't think about sex at all.... even when my husband and I have a nice night out together or anything. The last time I remember having more of a drive was when I was pregnant and I felt more normal then (from what I've read testosterone levels are 3 times greater when you're pregnant).
I think the biggest shock to me was my test results (which I had to ask the nurse for a copy otherwise I wouldn't know this) but my level of 14 is on a scale of 11-56. Doesn't that seem low for someone my age? And my free testosterone was 1.5 on a scale of 1.3-9.2 - So I'm "barely" in the normal range. And it's only going to get lower as I get older. And I've just been reading SO much about how much testosterone has to do with your stamina and well being - and mostly your sex drive.
Reading more about Dr. Vliet makes it seems likes most doctors say the same things as mine did... "you're tired" or "you're stressed" when it seems to me like my hormones are having a lot to do with it too...She says you have to be in the 40-60 range for testosterone to get more of your "drive" back.
What do you think?
Thanks! Kari
September 29, 2008 - 2:44pmThis Comment
Hi Kmach, welcome to EmpowHer.com. It is very natural that a woman's libido changes over the years. Especially after children are born and your life tends to change, you have less privacy and it appears maybe the passion may decrease.
The Mayo Clinic website does provide some information on making some changes in your lifestyle which may ignite the sex drive. You can find that information here http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/low-sex-drive-in-women/DS01043/DSECTION....
Webmd.com also provides information on how to treat sexual problems in woman. That information can be found here http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/tc/sexual-problems-in-women-treat....
Webmd.com has information where you can input your levels and it will provide you with an explanation of your test results. Use this link http://www.issam.ch/freetesto.htm. I hope this helps you.
September 28, 2008 - 9:38amThis Comment