One of the biggest decisions for women is whether to have children or not. Now that women have the ability in most areas of the world to make a choice about their lives, having children is not always the end goal anymore.
However, a new study suggests that deciding to have children could bring more happiness than living a childless life.
The paper is called “In Defense of Parenthood: Children Are Associated With More Joy Than Misery,” and will be published in an upcoming issue of Psychological Science with research data from the United States and Canada, according to a press release from the University of California, Riverside.
“We are not saying that parenting makes people happy, but that parenthood is associated with happiness and meaning,” said Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at University of California, Riverside, in the press release.
“Contrary to repeated scholarly and media pronouncements, people may find solace that parenthood and child care may actually be linked to feelings of happiness and meaning in life.”
Although parenthood does come with many extra responsibilities and stress, the study suggests in many cases the happiness and joy experienced by being a parent outweighs those negatives. However, for certain groups this potential happiness can be limited.
For example, although the findings found that fathers tend to be happier, and felt more positive emotions and meaning in life than men without children, mothers appeared to have a more negative experience due to a combination of more housework and overall responsibility.
Also, it appears that for the most part, only older and married parents are the ones who are judged to be happier than childless people.
“Our findings suggest that if you are older (and presumably more mature) and if you are married (and presumably have more social and financial support), then you’re likely to be happier if you have children than your childless peers,” Lyubomirsky said in the press release. “This is not true, however, for single parents or very young parents.”
There are mixed feelings about the results of the study.
Leslie Grubb, a happiness coach, author of “Feel Good! A Return to Happiness,” a mother of five children and a wife of 20 years, said in an email that this study first of all doesn’t seem to send a good message.
“This study could have people without children immediately develop a false belief that they aren't or can't be happy unless then have children, which then will block their happiness if they hold onto this false belief,” Grubb said.
“I hope that the study looks at the characteristics that having children bring out in people e.g., giving, receiving, loving, serving, gratitude etc., rather than just the fact of having children. People without children can demonstrate these positive [characteristics] in their lives too.”
For studies on happiness, it’s important to define what happiness is, although this definition can widely vary.
“We need to define what makes a person happy first before we put happy people into categories,” Grubb said.
“Most of the time, love and authenticity (living an honest and real life) are part of the definition. Happiness is free and non-discriminatory, yet we are the only ones who have the power to choose happiness regardless of our circumstances.”
She has her own perspective on why the results found parents to be happier than nonparents.
“I would guess that the study found that parents are happier because they have more opportunity to practice some of these proven positive mind sets/ characteristics e.g., love, authenticity, receiving, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, humor, etc,” Grubb said. “We do need people and interactions to benefit from these positive characteristics.”
Grubb has suggestions for nonparents who do know they are less happy than their counterparts with children.
“Define what makes you happy, then go be it,” she said. “If authenticity and love make you happy, go ... love and live an authentic, fulfilling life. Show up and practice gratitude. Oh and don't forget to laugh and play along the way. We have to stop taking life so seriously. We have the power to be happy as long as we allow ourselves to be happy, and make a conscious choice to live a full, grateful life.”
Nicole Klinkhamer, 33, has a 47-year-old fiancé with two teenage girls. She said she loves children and possibly even wants children of her own eventually. However, she doesn’t agree with the results of the study.
“As someone who sits in the position of the kids being here half the time, and away at their mom’s half the time, the heartache they give him, etc., I don’t know how this study could be viable,” Klinkhamer said.
“It is something that just cannot be compared. It’s ridiculous to say people without kids aren’t happy. Likely, many chose that intentionally.”
“It’s comparing apples and cucumbers ... just two different worlds,” Klinkhamer added.
As a 22-year-old single, childless woman, I have always had a hard time imagining myself getting married, let alone having children. These are two things that I don’t think will make me happier.
I’m probably not the only childless person who has this same perspective, so it’s hard to believe that having or not having children has a significant association with happiness.
Everyone has a slightly different idea of what happiness is to them. For one person happiness might be defined by how many goals they achieved in life, and to another person greater happiness might be achieved by how many successful relationships they have.
For people who choose to be childless, parenthood is not something that would cause greater happiness, so perhaps the nonparents in the study just hadn’t achieved their idea of happiness at the time of the study, or maybe many nonparents in the study weren’t childless by choice and therefore felt they were missing out.
Or perhaps the parents in the study reached their major goal in life associated with happiness -- parenthood. There are too many factors to consider.
In my own experience, I’ve seen many single women who are overly stressed from having childen, couples who appear to be completely happy with their children, and also couples with children who are struggling.
When the study talks about older, married parents really being the only kind of parents happier than nonparents, it almost makes sense -- the older you are, the more time you’ve had to pursue happiness and potentially reach your highest level of happiness.
Even if nonparents are actually less happy than parents, there is no better time to change these results. Chase your ultimate happiness and live that fulfilling life with or without children. It’s your choice.
Sources:
University of California. Parents are happier people, study shows. Web. May 23, 2012.
http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/27708
Grubb, Leslie. Email interview. May 22, 2012.
http://behappylady.com
Klinkhamer, Nicole. Email interview. May 22, 2012.
Reviewed May 23, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith