I thought this was a very interesting article, as EmpowHer has received numerous questions from women who claim to have "lost" or otherwise have no sexual desire. Whether they refer to it as lack of desire, lack of interest or low libido...it is still just as frustrating, puzzling and a little unnerving to lose such a significant part of yourself, with real-world consequences to romantic relationships.
A new concept in women's sexuality is that desire in women may be a result from sex and does not always precede (or lead to) sex. Interesting, right?! I have mentioned this a few times to my husband that I was more interested in being intimate after-the-fact, and we've laughed about it. I was surprised that this very phenomenon is being researched! You can read more in the Psychology Today July 2009 article. (Disclaimer: when referring to the topic of human behavior, please know this is not meant to generalize "all" women or their experiences. As complex as human behavior and emotions are, the information provided here likely occurs to "some women, some of the time").
A "University of British Columbia psychiatrist Rosemary Basson, M.D., discovered in interviews with hundreds of women that, contrary to the conventional model, for many women, desire is not the cause of lovemaking, but rather, its result."
"'Women,' Basson explains, 'often begin sexual experiences feeling sexually neutral.' But as things heat up, so do they, and they eventually experience desire."
Does this mirror some of your sexual experiences with your partner? Do you find yourself wanting to want sex, but do not feel the sexual desire? The article discusses many women who start out "sexually neutral" and have sex with their partner to be intimate, but not that they are necessarily aroused. It is similar to the old saying, "women have sex to feel loved; men get love to have sex".
Although I can relate to this experience of being more interested in sex after the fact (which we find funny at times!), I can also see it as information that can be viewed as outdated and archaic, as this has been a stereotype women have tried to overcome. The stereotypes include (among others):
- Women don't want, like or need sex.
- Women have sex only to please men.
Sound familiar?!
Have you found yourself being sexually neutral, and then after the sexual act(s) with your partner...you then have the sexual interest, desire and new found libido? If so, we would love to hear your (PG-rated) story!
What are your thoughts about this information helping move women forward in their sexuality vs. setting us back? Of course, this issue is not black-and-white, and probably depends on many factors: feelings for sexual partner, individual health, lifestyle factors, possibly age.