so from my other posts you will see that I am in a relatively unhealthy relationship. I do want to leave but at the same time I don't. I can't imagine what I would do if I were without him. Last nite we had a conversation in which he told me that he didn't feel we had the same world view (which I argued because I don't belive that is true or that it is the issue) and that we were not compatible. So right there you assume that he wants to leave me, right? but then he says that it is me that has to make a choice! He asked me what my most extreme thoughts were over the past three days(as this has been ongoing) and i told him Us not being together and he said an then what and I told him I didn't get that far. Then I asked him what his most extreme thoughts were and he said one of them was "this girl is gonna leave me cuz I won't F**K her" This sentance shocked my system for a few reasons:
1. I found the language crude and that he thinks of our intimate relationship as nothing more than f**king.
2. I do not only care about the sex it is the intimacy that we no longer share, the hugs and kisses and cuddles are not there either.
3. He has issues about our compatiability an our values not matching but the most extreme thought was me leaving him due to the lack of Sex. I feel he wasn't being honest here and was trying to shift the blame of who is actually breaking it off to me. I think he has thought about leaving and doesn't want to be the one to do it.
He tells me that he is the only one in the relationship that can have a grown up conversation about this, yet he is not taking part in the desicion. He is leaving it up to me whether to leave or not. Which is unfair because does that mean that I am the only one unhappy and that if I am unhappy I should be the one to move out and leave everything. Is that so he can clear himself of guilt over things he may have missed and therefore had a part in the demise of our relationship. He also said that if I leave he is secure! when I asked what he meant he said that he knows he did everything possible and right and that he couldn't have fixed it. He also told me that he sees this unhappiness repeating itself in my future, which I am not sure if he is right and I am unhappy and will feel this way with everyone or if it is manipulation to make me think that I am unhappy and that it is not his fault so I may as well stay. I really dont know what I am asking here I was kind of hoping just to have some ppl to bounce that off of and see what they think. I don't know if this is an opportunity that I should take advantage of and cut my losses or if his unwillingness to take part in the desicion is a sign that he wants to make this work and that I should continue trying. I am soo confused and I look forward to your insight.