We discuss compatibility as if it's sort of magical and suppose it must be. Why, after all, do we long for the one with the scar and not the one with the tattoo? Why does the one who plays guitar send us swooning while the one who loves oatmeal leaves us less than happy? Or does it take someone who eats OUR favorite type of oatmeal to truly bring us bliss?
These and other questions cannot be answered in a single day, if at all. For when it comes right down to it, the love we feel for our significant other may have to do with grand things: values, beliefs, vision, etc... but it may also belong in the realm of the little things, the tiny, almost invisible things that make your heart feel at home, or race a little faster, or keep you thinking of the face you adore hours after they've left the building.
Little things mean more than we realize. This goes for our own bringing little things to the party of love as well as receiving them.
I think often we find ourselves feeling "alone" even though we're "with" someone. The reason is the little things have gone away. He/she doesn't stop in the kitchen to talk to you anymore; the affection feels forced, not sweet; sex is suddenly an obligation, a chore, not something to look forward to ... or better yet, you literally avoid contact all together - from talking, to cuddling, to playing games together or seeing plays or movies ... or somewhere in between. Those moments, the fleeting, sweet, small, unutterably loving moments have either evaporated or have been pushed out of the way by other issues. It's time to stop, look, and listen. Hold out your hand and you'll be holding out your heart.
Sure, a fancy getaway to a remote tropical isle is pleasant, but so many tiny moves can heal, reduce isolation and bring the "loneliness" out of the relationship.
Do you walk at the same pace when you walk together on the street, from the car to the movie theater, from the movies to the restaurant? Or is your partner out ahead of you, or are you storming ahead? Slow down, or ask that your loved one keep in sync with you. Walking together, even holding hands, or, dare I say this? With your arms around each other can bring such a great sense of intimacy and closeness.
The act of your partner reaching for your hand gently, or you reaching out, can erase tension quicker than a $140 dollar massage. It says: "I'm here, I love you." It's simple and so small, but so incredibly valuable.
Or getting completely out of your own head and just rubbing the back of your honey and saying, "Is there anything I can do for you right now?" It's small and they may not need or want anything, but this kind of genuine, tiny gesture speaks volumes of your emotion.
Take your honey's car out for groceries and come back with an oil change and a tank full of gas.
Stop and smell the roses here and there, including those of your lover's lips.
Aimee Boyle lives in CT with her adorable boys.