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Love Is In the Details: Why Little Things Mean So Much

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We discuss compatibility as if it's sort of magical and suppose it must be. Why, after all, do we long for the one with the scar and not the one with the tattoo? Why does the one who plays guitar send us swooning while the one who loves oatmeal leaves us less than happy? Or does it take someone who eats OUR favorite type of oatmeal to truly bring us bliss?

These and other questions cannot be answered in a single day, if at all. For when it comes right down to it, the love we feel for our significant other may have to do with grand things: values, beliefs, vision, etc... but it may also belong in the realm of the little things, the tiny, almost invisible things that make your heart feel at home, or race a little faster, or keep you thinking of the face you adore hours after they've left the building.

Little things mean more than we realize. This goes for our own bringing little things to the party of love as well as receiving them.

I think often we find ourselves feeling "alone" even though we're "with" someone. The reason is the little things have gone away. He/she doesn't stop in the kitchen to talk to you anymore; the affection feels forced, not sweet; sex is suddenly an obligation, a chore, not something to look forward to ... or better yet, you literally avoid contact all together - from talking, to cuddling, to playing games together or seeing plays or movies ... or somewhere in between. Those moments, the fleeting, sweet, small, unutterably loving moments have either evaporated or have been pushed out of the way by other issues. It's time to stop, look, and listen. Hold out your hand and you'll be holding out your heart.

Sure, a fancy getaway to a remote tropical isle is pleasant, but so many tiny moves can heal, reduce isolation and bring the "loneliness" out of the relationship.

Do you walk at the same pace when you walk together on the street, from the car to the movie theater, from the movies to the restaurant? Or is your partner out ahead of you, or are you storming ahead? Slow down, or ask that your loved one keep in sync with you. Walking together, even holding hands, or, dare I say this?

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.