Mother-in-laws are the source of many jokes and usually do not receive the praise and appreciation they deserve. This year, Mother-in-Law Day will be celebrated on October 24. The tradition began in 2002 to celebrate special in-laws. It is similar to Mother's Day and is promoted by cards, flowers and candy companies.
But along with the holiday was a recently release poll based on the question, “What do you think of your mother-in-law?”
According to the survey, 51 percent of respondents would rather stay home and clean than spend the day with their mothers-in-law. Other alternatives included a gynecologist visit (36 percent), jury duty (30 percent), filing income taxes (28 percent) and root canal (28 percent).
The survey also found that 28 percent of women described their relationships with their mothers-in-law as “terrible” or “bad” and 76 percent of daughters-in-law responding that they would never seek parenting advice from their mothers-in-law.
However, 54 percent felt comfortable leaving their children in the care of their mothers-in-law. A whopping 83 percent said they would never discuss their marriages with their mothers-in-law and only 4 percent would talk about their sex lives.
When given the option to choose a celebrity substitute for their mothers-in-law — which 49 percent said they would not do at all — 17 percent chose Hillary Rodham Clinton, followed by Kris Kardashian Jenner (16 percent), Sarah Palin (9 percent), and Joan Rivers (7 percent).
The study touched a nerve with women on what they “really” think of their mother-in-law. So in the interest of family harmony, here are some tips for spending the upcoming holidays with your mother-in-law.
• Find out what's important to her. Start by talking to your spouse, or directly to his or her mom. You may be able to mitigate any tension simply by finding out what she values and doing your best to keep those things intact.
• Don't assume you know how she feels. "It's very possible your mother-in-law wouldn't mind a bit 'passing the torch' of managing the holiday celebrations, so she could just show up and ENJOY for a change!" says life coach and marriage educator Melodie Tucker. "Personally, I was thrilled when my daughter decided she wanted to take over Christmas Day dinner. Change won't always get a negative reaction, especially if she feels included in your decision-making."
• Manage expectations. Don't expect miracles. No matter how much you try, some mothers-in-law won't welcome the new addition with open arms. But that doesn't mean you should capitulate to her desires just because you're nervous.
• Be open to creative compromise. You may still want to maintain your own family traditions separately at first, for example Thanksgiving Eve or Christmas Eve with one family, the next day with the other. This is healthy and normal. Make a holiday brunch or create an evening event that is celebrated exactly the way you want. If the holiday is over a weekend, take a day or two as your own.
• Handle change with care. This means that your spouse needs to own your joint decisions and break the news to [his or her mom]. Also, do it as soon as possible and don't wait till the last minute.
• Set boundaries when you need to. If your mom-in-law is possessive or controlling, take a different tact. Set boundaries with matter-of-fact, non-emotionally charged statements like, 'Our private time is _____ and we're looking forward to being with you on ____.'
• Keep your cool. Try not to let your emotions get the better of you if things aren't going your way. Protect your heart. Being tolerant and gracious it the best defense against getting hurt feelings.
Sources:
Ivillage.com
Msnbc.com