I am 27 years old and have been married for 3 years. My husband and I chose not to have intercourse until we got married, and we had a very positive experience when we did start having sex (great chemistry!). I have always had a very strong sex drive, and am very comfortable with my body and communicating what I want with my husband. But in the past two years or so I've noticed that I don't want any part in foreplay (kissing or oral sex) and I have NO IDEA why. When my husband begins to kiss romantically and try to connect I begin to laugh nervously or pull away. If he tries to keep kissing (playfully, nor forcefully), I actually start to feel panicked, like I'm going to punch him or push him away violently if it doesn't stop. I feel awful because I'd rather just get to having intercourse than spend the time getting aroused for it because it's becoming a stressful experience. I cannot relax and enjoy foreplay, which was always my favorite thing.
Consequently, I rarely orgasm, and have been feeling so guilty that I'm not desiring sex like I used to. I know it makes my husband feel bad that I never initiate anymore. I can masturbate and orgasm in 30 seconds when I am by myself, but when we're together it takes 30 or 40 minutes, which to me feels like an eternity. I put so much pressure on myself to perform and apologize constantly. My husband is so sweet and patient, and he wants so badly to please me - he'd wait hours if that's what it took.... so why am I feeling this way?
I've never had any sexual trauma, and I don't feel depressed. The only medicine I take is birth control (Ocella). I exercise regularly, eat a good diet, have good relationships with family and friends. I do have a very busy life (I'm getting my doctorate degree) and tend to get stressed out easily... but I'm not sure what else I can do to modify my lifestyle. I'm feeling so incredibly guilty that I'm a bad wife. Are there any books I could read? Is seeing a therapist appropriate for this situation? Thank you for your help.