My boyfriend and I have been together for 16months now. We met 4 years ago before I went to London and gained 50 pounds. He told me that he had love at first sight, and even remembered what I was wearing the night we met. I went from weighing 136 pounds(which I know isn't that light) to 188 pounds while in London. Ive lost about 30 pounds since I've been home, but I admit I still have weight to lose.
My boyfriend is a wonderful guy in a lot of ways, but he has a very shallow side, and so does his father. He tells me that we cant get married until I lose the weight,because his father wont accept me. This makes me resent him and want to gain weight just to spite him and his shallow 72year old father! I am so furious about this and extremely heartbroken. My problem is that I am a comfort eater, so the more he breaks me down about my weight, the more I want to eat. Is it just me or is it completely dysfunctional and unreasonable for a 34 year old man to care so much about gaining his father's approval? I am too rebellious to care so much about my parents approval! Ok, maybe thats not entirely true, but my parents love me and accept me, especially my father, and he would never judge me or withhold his love from me (even though he has given me a hard time about my weight over the years too, and is shallow about women as well. Maybe this means all men are the same! Shallow jerks!)
I am going on 30 and want to get married and have a baby, but I know that I'll probably gain it all back after giving birth , then my boyfriend's shallow nastiness will just surface again anyway! Yesterday he told me that he is disgusted by the sight of me naked, and today he apologized with tears rolling own his cheeks and told me how much he hates himself for treating me this way and that he is deeply in love with me.
He seems to think that a lot of our problems will be solved by my weight loss (my doctor said that my recent health problems are linked to my weight. And I am insecure and jealous of thinner women which makes me bitter sometimes), but in my heart I have a feeling that me losing weight wont stop us from fighting, or make his father accept me, because I am not Greek or from a wealthy family (the two other reasons his father doesn't accept me!). I don't know what to do, because I cant imagine my life without him,but losing weight is easier said than done, and I am a rebellious person by nature.
To make matters even worse, my guy has never moved out of his parents house before (I'm told it is the Greek culture to only move out of your parents house after you get married) and they pay his way because they are wealthy and he is a freelance photographer and doesn't always make enough money. I love him with all of my heart, but my anger and rebellion is getting in the way of me truly trying to lose weight. Basically, I'd like some validation that it is completely unreasonable and dysfunctional for a 'so called man' to care so much about his parents' opinion. I don't know what to do about this. I love him too much to leave him but this is emotional abuse, right?