My boyfriend and I have been together for 16months now. We met 4 years ago before I went to London and gained 50 pounds. He told me that he had love at first sight, and even remembered what I was wearing the night we met. I went from weighing 136 pounds(which I know isn't that light) to 188 pounds while in London. Ive lost about 30 pounds since I've been home, but I admit I still have weight to lose.
My boyfriend is a wonderful guy in a lot of ways, but he has a very shallow side, and so does his father. He tells me that we cant get married until I lose the weight,because his father wont accept me. This makes me resent him and want to gain weight just to spite him and his shallow 72year old father! I am so furious about this and extremely heartbroken. My problem is that I am a comfort eater, so the more he breaks me down about my weight, the more I want to eat. Is it just me or is it completely dysfunctional and unreasonable for a 34 year old man to care so much about gaining his father's approval? I am too rebellious to care so much about my parents approval! Ok, maybe thats not entirely true, but my parents love me and accept me, especially my father, and he would never judge me or withhold his love from me (even though he has given me a hard time about my weight over the years too, and is shallow about women as well. Maybe this means all men are the same! Shallow jerks!)
I am going on 30 and want to get married and have a baby, but I know that I'll probably gain it all back after giving birth , then my boyfriend's shallow nastiness will just surface again anyway! Yesterday he told me that he is disgusted by the sight of me naked, and today he apologized with tears rolling own his cheeks and told me how much he hates himself for treating me this way and that he is deeply in love with me.
He seems to think that a lot of our problems will be solved by my weight loss (my doctor said that my recent health problems are linked to my weight. And I am insecure and jealous of thinner women which makes me bitter sometimes), but in my heart I have a feeling that me losing weight wont stop us from fighting, or make his father accept me, because I am not Greek or from a wealthy family (the two other reasons his father doesn't accept me!). I don't know what to do, because I cant imagine my life without him,but losing weight is easier said than done, and I am a rebellious person by nature.
To make matters even worse, my guy has never moved out of his parents house before (I'm told it is the Greek culture to only move out of your parents house after you get married) and they pay his way because they are wealthy and he is a freelance photographer and doesn't always make enough money. I love him with all of my heart, but my anger and rebellion is getting in the way of me truly trying to lose weight. Basically, I'd like some validation that it is completely unreasonable and dysfunctional for a 'so called man' to care so much about his parents' opinion. I don't know what to do about this. I love him too much to leave him but this is emotional abuse, right?
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This is a mirror image of my current relationship. We have been in love for a year and my greek boyfriend has made comments about my weight. I put on 30 lbs and I can really sense him pulling away from me. I 100% understand your worries about him not liking you at this weight when after you get pregnant and give birth you do end up gaining weight. I have a "beautiful face but could be really gorgeous if I lost weight"- that's what he tells me, such a backhanded compliment. The only big difference between our stories is that I am 24 and my bf is 30. And that I would be happy getting married 5 years from now.
February 28, 2015 - 1:00amThis Comment
Is so hurtful and sad listen your history. when the boyfriend called you " disgusting" when you showed to him your naked body, is so awful, because you are not only showed to him that part; are your feelings , your intimacy , something that is a treasure, he is a dumbass, who dont deserve you. Many men wants to be in his place, ignoring your weight. Love yourself first. think slowly ...
November 25, 2011 - 7:48amThis Comment
Thank you for replying. You are right. It all starts with loving yourself. Even though I have issues with his family, I truly do love him, and we make a great team. There is a lot of good as well. But in order for things to change I have to focus on myself and take my power back. Thank you for helping me gain a clearer perspective. I am certain that I want to marry him. We both love Jesus very much and recommitted our lives recently, and we both know that that is the key to being happier people and treating each other better. Im just having a bit of a problem with the submitting part, to the Lord and to him. I cant have it both ways.Im going to stop focusing on the issues and rather focus on improving my life and my relationship with God. :)
April 5, 2011 - 1:20pmThis Comment
Hi Angeljoy,
April 4, 2011 - 5:09pmYou have many issues to resolve and not one has a simple solution. If you separate each issue, you might be able to find validation yourself, You realize that you are overweight, you want to lose weight and acknowledge that eat for comfort. In doing so, you are only hurting yourself. Begin by loving yourself. Put yourself first. Seek help if you must, as in a dieting support group, such as Weight Watchers. Work on losing weight-it will be better for your health, both physical and emotional. Do it for yourself, not because of what other people say or think.
The situation with your boyfriend is complicated because of his attachment to his parents. You say that you love him but you have strong issues with his personality, lifestyle and his family. Are you certain that you want to marry him, have a life-long commitment with him and have children together?
Only you can decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. It is unrealistic to think that you can change him, especially if he sees no need to change.
If you truly cannot live without him in your life, maybe counseling is what your relationship needs.
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