Questions of fidelity, honesty, and communication have always been issues in marriage, but the advent of social networking can turn these concerns into daily issues.
From flirting online to friending old flames, Facebook and other social media sites pose a number of issues for marriages.
This doesn’t mean social networking is inherently harmful for relationships. Indeed, it can provide a jumping off point for discussion and provide couples with insights into how other couples do things.
If you follow basic rules of social networking for married couples, you’ll avoid landing in hot water with your spouse.
Social Networking Dos
• Use social networking as a spring board for discussion with your spouse.
Couples who have been together for an extended period of time often struggle to come up with new conversation topics.
Mention the news article you saw on Facebook or the hilarious tweet your co-worker sent you, and you may find yourself finally covering new ground with your spouse.
• Share social networking passwords.
This doesn’t mean you should regularly break into one another’s Facebook accounts without permission. Indeed, that would be hugely invasive.
But knowing that your spouse has your password can help keep you honest. It also ensures that your spouse can get in touch with people via Facebook in case of an emergency.
• Say nice things about your spouse on Facebook.
And occasionally post loving messages on his or her Facebook page. Social networking provides another avenue through which you can express your love.
Moreover, it makes it clear that you love your spouse can deter people who might want to invade your marriage. Sharing your love can also remind friends and family of the importance of your relationship, encouraging them to be supportive of its continued existence.
• Ask your spouse before friending any “controversial” figures.
This might include your exes or your spouse’s ex, people with whom you’ve had previous flirtations, and people who have been unkind to your spouse. You should each have final veto power over whom the other is friends with.
Fighting over Facebook friending can be incredibly hurtful, and prioritizing virtual friendships over your real-life spouse dishonors your marriage vows.
Social Networking Don’ts
• Don’t comment on other people’s appearances on Facebook.
This is inappropriate behavior in a public forum when you’re married. Moreover, it can come across as extremely creepy.
• Don’t hide some postings you make from your spouse.
The normal rules of honesty apply even to Facebook, and it’s unacceptable to keep secrets from the person to whom you’ve committed your life.
• Don’t drag fights onto Facebook.
Fighting publicly with your spouse invites others to intrude on your marriage and can encourage in-laws and others to offer invasive and unwelcome advice. Moreover, it makes you look unstable.
No one wants to see your Facebook fights. Keep fights private and in the real world.
• Don’t flirt with people on Facebook.
It’s one thing to have an occasional flirtation when you’re in a group of people with your spouse. But Facebook flirtations can quickly get out of control.
Even worse, when you’re flirting with people online rather than in real life, it’s easy to idealize them. This makes it difficult to be fair to your spouse and can slowly erode the loving, trusting foundations of your marriage.
Edited by Jody Smith