Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Sounds great, but it’s not true at all. Of course they can!
Picture a child told her whole life that she is unwanted, unloved, a mistake, a burden ... has she given her consent when she feels less than a person as she grows to adulthood?
The pen is mightier than the sword, my friends, and words can be weapons that can sometimes wound us far worse — and more deeply — than a smack or a shove.
It takes many of us years to be confident, to hold our heads high and to forge ahead in life with gusto. But there are elements that can slowly and subtly infiltrate our lives, causing cracks in our foundation that shake our confidence.
Here are a few to be on guard against:
1) Pinterest and Facebook
Imagine that everyone really lived the lives they portray on these social media sites. Every picture-perfect moment captured on camera, with fresh baked goods on display, artistically designed kids’ rooms, and Instagrammed homemade dinners that would make Wolfgang Puck jealous.
But can seeing these visually perfect projections really affect someone’s confidence in their own parenting, their own marriages and their own homes?
Yes, it can. Because we’re only human and for those of us with see-sawing self-esteem, it becomes easy to believe that everyone around us has it right, while we’re left fumbling to get through the day.
Psychology Today touched on how social media can really affect self-esteem, especially for vulnerable teens and young adults. An article by Ray Williams talked about studies that have been done on the negative effects of social media.
Williams said that research has shown that people can feel stressed about having to update their statuses, presumably feeling the need to make them more exciting or glamorous than real life.
Williams referred to a study by Ethan Kross and his colleagues at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research. "On the surface, Facebook provides an invaluable resource for fulfilling the basic human need for social connection. But rather than enhance well-being, we found that Facebook use predicts the opposite result—it undermines it."
The researchers concluded as a result of their study, that the more participants used Facebook over the two-week study period, the more their life satisfaction levels declined over time.
On the other hand, the researchers found that those who had phone or face-to-face contact with others did not struggle with the same lack of satisfaction.
So stop comparing your life to what you see on social media! Photoshopped and filtered profile pics, Michelin Star-quality meals whipped up with ease and kids with straight A's can get tiresome. And they are sometimes untrue. Or at least misleading.
Get these fakers out of your head. Realize that many of them are making it up in an attempt to feel better and show a life they wished they had, but don’t.
Use your Facebook page to catch up with friends, stay in touch with family, and share real moments of life.
As much as we wish we weren’t, some of us are affected by our social media communications. Realizing a lot of it is exaggerated is a good way to stop your self-esteem from getting shaky.
2 ) Television and Magazines
There’s your inner social media voice, yapping again about how perfect everyone is, how they’ve met their size zero goals and don’t ever get constipation, muscle pain or insomnia, and never gain weight.
Cindy Crawford took some photos a couple of years ago during a modelling shoot that were leaked recently, showing her in her natural beauty. People got to see her sagging stomach and the wrinkles (and a lot of sun damage, Cindy!) but she is still a beautiful woman.
This is real life and how every women will look after time, children and gravity kick in. Cindy has not responded yet to these leaked photos, but even she has said that she doesn’t look like “Cindy Crawford” in the morning!
Too many young women, and increasingly, young men, are negatively influenced by the images they see in these magazines, in clothing ads and on commercials.
Believing these models and celebrities look exactly as they are portrayed in the media can leave a vulnerable young person feeling like they are nothing special, that they don’t mean much to the world, and that only perfection wins the prize. They can have horrible body image and poor self-esteem.
Tell your kids that perfection doesn’t exist and that if it did, it’d be boring as heck. Some of the best parts of the most successful people are their own flaws, their vulnerabilities and mistakes. And most wouldn’t change a bit of it.
3) Others Changing Around You
Our late 20s and 30s are times of great change for many. College degrees have been achieved and now it’s time for marriage, babies, work promotions and buying a home. And here you are, single, renting and not earning the salaries everyone else seems to be making.
Is it time to grow out your grays and adopt 12 cats? No, certainly not.
Everyone’s going to change. Your siblings will move to different places, you may have kids while your girlfriends are flying up the corporate ladder, or you may still be trying to work out what you want to be when you grow up, even at 35.
It’s important to remember that we will all carve our own paths in life. Some of us will be CEOs, some will be stay-at-home moms, some will divorce, lose a spouse in death, or never marry.
By assuming everyone around us has made all the right decisions and are happy, we may then assume we can’t be happy because our lives are so different. This really undermines our self-confidence.
Enjoy your own path. Be your own pioneer, treading where you want and working hard to make a good life. Make decisions carefully and be happy with your choices. You have one life — make it one you love.
4) Refusing to Take a Chance
Kristin O’Donovan wrote an article for Lifehack.com about procrastination and its negative effects. She listed many of these, like missing out on career opportunities, wasting precious time and causing undue stress on the mind and body.
She also discussed self-confidence and how it can be affected by procrastination and not taking chances to grab opportunities.
O’Donovan called procrastination a vicious circle. “We tend to procrastinate sometimes because of a low self-esteem, but procrastinating doesn’t only reinforce this, it makes it even lower.You start to doubt and question what is wrong with you. You might desperately ask yourself, 'Why can’t I just do it?'” she said.
“Having low self-esteem destroys lives in many ways. When we have low self-esteem we hold ourselves back, we feel less than we should and it leads to self-sabotaging acts. Procrastination eats away at your confidence, slowly but surely.”
So next time you second-guess yourself, or pass up an opportunity, or stare at someone’s social network wall longingly, look at your own life and be proud — and thankful — for what you have and for what you have yet to achieve.
Don’t allow internal negative chatter and outside influences to tear at your self-confidence. Build yourself up, be positive, and your confidence will flourish.
Sources:
Psychology Today. “Does Frequent Facebook Use Cause Unhappiness?” Web. Retrieved February 11th, 2015.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201405/how-facebook-c...
Facebook use predicts declines in happiness, new study finds. Instuitute for Social Research. Retrieved Feb. 18, 2015.
http://home.isr.umich.edu/releases/facebook-use-predicts-declines-in-hap...
Lifehack.org. Productivity. 8 Ways Procrastination Can Destroy Your Life. Web. Retrieved February 11th, 2015.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/8-ways-procrastination-can...
Reviewed February 18, 2015
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith