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According to experts, 20 million American couples are in sexless marriages and one out of every three couples struggles with mismatched sexual desire. Complaints about low desire are the number one problem brought to sex therapists.
Also, some psychologists say about 20 percent of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year! On average, married couples have sex 58 times a year. That's a little more than once a week.
And if you’ve been thinking that low sexual desire is only a woman’s thing… think again. Many sex experts believe that low sexual desire in men is one of America’s best kept secret.
Here are some things you may not know about sexless relationships:
• Sexless relationships do not have to mean no sex at all. They can also mean infrequent or seldom sex
• Just because your spouse doesn't want to have sex with you doesn't mean that they stopped loving you
• If your spouse stopped having sex with you it doesn't mean they’re having an affair
• You can get the sex back into your relationship if you just make up your mind to do so
Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it’s good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their relationship as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that binds.
To sustain a loving connection, psychologist Dr. Robin Smith says couples should invest in their marital ATM account. Just like a cash ATM, a couple's relationship needs regular deposits if they hope to get anything out of it.
"Courage means action," says Dr. Smith. "Right now, all you're doing is drifting apart. … [Ask yourself], 'What am I afraid of?' That's why you need courage. This is about facing fears. It’s about healing yourself."
It's common for spouses to have different amounts of sexual desire.
If you’re the spouse whose libido has been lacking, you need to recognize that the most powerful sexual organ in the human body is the one between your ears. Closely examine what's going on in your life and your relationship and ask yourself why. It could be a physical condition you should see a doctor about, or it could be negative feelings toward something in your relationship — and that could be something you can get past. In order to feel more sexual, you first have to decide that a loving, satisfying sex life is important. Then, you need to make a commitment to explore your untapped sexuality.
As the spouse with greater sexual energy, it’s important to communicate with your partner. Also, you need to approach your partner with greater understanding, compassion and wisdom, and learn skills that will lead to improved communication, compromise, and acceptance.
The experts agree that a marriage without sex isn't necessarily wrong, but it can be more vulnerable than one with regular sex.
So is a sexless marriage ever okay? Yes, as long as both partners honestly feel happy and satisfied with their relationship without sexual intimacy.
Sources:
www.oprah.com
www.msnbc.com
www.newsweek.com
http://www.drlaura.com
THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple’s Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido
MC Ortega is the former publicist for the late Walter Payton, Coca-Cola and Dunkin’ Donuts. Ortega is a senior communications and messaging executive specializing in media relations, social media, program development and crisis communications. Also, Ortega is an avid traveler and international shopper. Ortega resides with her partner, Craig, dog, Fionne and extensive shoe collection. Ortega also enjoys jewelry design/production and flamenco dancing.
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I have been in a sexless marraige for approx. 10 yrs. At first I was very hurt, angry, confused. I felt very undesirable, ugly & unwanted. I went through a lot of emotional ups and downs. Threatened to leave the marraige etc. I even greived that part of our relationship. Then menapause hit. And I questioned why I was so upset that my husband does not desire me. Becuase even if he did right now in my life, I myself have no desire for sex. So it works out for us. The only thing that bothers me about that is when he is around other women he acts so charming and entertaining that they all think he is a stud or something. That makes me mad. And yes jealous. He says he is not having an affair or has no interest in anybody. Maybe I'm nieve. But I really don't think he cares what so ever about sex. He is 49 yrs old. Good looking. The women think he is great. Very personable. We get along pretty good now. We seem to have a good friendship. We agree on things more then we disagree. I miss the holding, caressing etc. But I am 53 now. It's not like this just happened we have been going through this for the past 10 yrs. When I talk to my sisters about it. All they say is Oh we are so sorry. It's wierd. I guess in their eyes I'm wierd. My family loves him. He loves them. All I can say is if you are in a sexless marraige. Weigh your options. It is good in many other ways. Decide if it is worth sticking it out or not. I've decided to stick it out. If I was younger, that could have been the break up of us. I guess we just have to figure out what we can or cannot live with. It's not easy at first.
July 30, 2010 - 1:11pmThis Comment