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Tips on Parenting a Parent
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Why It's Important
In the recent years, we witnessed major changes in family dynamics. People are living longer, well into their 80s and 90s. With longevity comes the reality of depletion of life savings, declining mental and physical health and the inability to live independently. Adult children are faced with the dilemma of assuming responsibility for their aging parents. Here are tips for parenting a parent. Photo: Getty Images
Open Communication
The decision to have an elderly parent move into your home, into a nursing home or retirement community poses a dilemma that is best resolved with open communication. Begin by asking your parents what living arrangements they prefer. Most older people prefer to live independently. Engage all involved family member and respect their needs and concerns. Photo: Getty Images
Avoid Role Reversal
As an adult child, you may become the source of emotional, financial and physical support for your aging parents. You may need to make decisions for them. Continue to respect your parent’s autonomy. Assuming responsibility for an aging parent differs from raising your parent. Photo: Getty Images
Define Personal Space
If there is a unanimous decision to have aging parents move in with you, it is important to discuss and establish boundaries for personal space before moving day. This can ease tensions and prevent future feelings of animosity. Define an area in your home that is a private retreat for your parents, such as their own bedroom and bathroom. Designate an area that is your personal retreat. Respect the need for each individual’s social life. Photo: Getty Images
Sharing the Bills
Combining two household can be economically beneficial. If your aging parents can no longer live independently because of financial issues, combining remaining assets and sharing expenses such as food and utilities can reduce financial stress. Selling the parental home may be difficult and underscore a loss of independence. Be mindful of this. Photo: Getty Images
Define Roles
In a multigenerational household, the line of who is in charge can become blurred. A power struggle can easily develop between the aging parents who have always assumed authority and the adult child who says this is my house and I have authority. It is important to define roles of authority to avoid potential conflicts. Photo: Getty Images
Maintain Individual Social Lives
Each generation in the household needs to maintain an individual social life. You must take time to be with your friends, time with your partner and children and time to be alone. Children should continue to interact with friends both in and outside of the home. Aging parents need their own social network to avoid dependence upon you for social interaction. Consider adult day care, church groups and community senior centers as possible sources of socialization. Article by Maryann Gromisch Sources: American Psychology Association : Elder Care U.S. News & World Report: 5 Ways to Cope When Your Parents Move in with You Photo: Getty Images
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