choosehope1965
I have been searching for an outlet for my inner feelings... I hate to burden anyone...I know there are so many others with heartbreaking lives, i do not want to sound selfish! I want to start with my life prior to marriage. I had a wonderful, loving childhood. I was the youngest...yes, I guess I was the princess. However, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents!!! I knew I always wanted to be married with children. Being a mother would be my CAREER! I met my husband, was always honest. My father even would talk to my husband about what that meant, he was treated like a SON by my father and mother!!! No hidden agenda, no surprise I loved to shop, dress up live a normal middle class life. Well, we got married 1990...a few months later I was pregnant with our beautiful daughter. We did not plan on being pregnant so soon, but we were! It was very clear I would stop working to RAISE our daughter...a dream come true for me. I thought it was for him as well... I was wrong. No words were ever spoken...my parents stepped right in and provided MORE money than I could have made working for our family! My father passed away four years later. He was the BEST MAN in my life, I was devastated then and will NEVER get over his death! My selfless mother continued to provide the money. Every car I had, anything pertaining to our daughter and me. Food for our family...I can not remember every little thing. Not only that, she never said a word...always encouraged my husband and treated him like a son! Years go by, my husband's back goes out...he can not work. After about 3 years, my daughter is now entering High School. This time in her life , as all of them, is such a vital time...they need support, safety, security and a stable family. Well, we are now threatened with foreclosure on our HOME of 18 years, the only home our daughter ever knew...the home that she was supposed to come back on breaks from college. The home we would see our grandchildren grow up in...and we would grow old together! Frightened and feeling alone, as I did my whole marriage, I went out with no college degree or skill to get a minimum wage job. It was then the anxiety and depression came in full force. I tried to reach out to my husband, but...no communication. 4 years pass...I hit a brick wall...a full fledged nervous breakdown! My husband told me it will pass, just get up. As many know, that does not happen. We both had to file for bankruptcy. He took all our daughter's savings. I sold things on ebay, sold sentimental items, got food stamps, went to food banks (where I once volunteered)...all without my husband's support. I found out that you never know how someone will react in a tragedy unless you are in one! I found out that not only was my husband not supportive or protective...but has severe anxiety. I am frozen, our daughter is slipping deeper into her anxiety and depression. On July 14th, at around 5ish, a Sheriff banged on our door and put a 24 hour eviction notice on our door. We had 24 hours to get 18 years of our life out....we were numb. We are in an apartment. This whole time, I have been crying out to my husband that my daughter and I Can Not shake this one off! I go from the bed to the couch. I can not leave apt. I do not shower often, my hair is matted to my scalp...I am filled with guilt for my daughter, I can not stop crying....I am hopeless and filled with fear. I pray to not wake up. The PAIN is so severe...I have nothing to live for...I just want my daughter to start her life and be a normal young lady,I guess it is too late... Thank you for anyone, if anyone, for hearing me!
IVE BEEN MARRIED TO A MAN FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS. PROBLY 3 OF THE 12 HE HAS HAD A JOB(HES A CARPENTER) sorry caps) iam so tired of being the only one with a job. the men in my family do whats ever ...
choosehope1965 commented on becca2's post DEPRESSED