Today was the first day I have been home in awhile. It felt great to be back home. I had to tell myself over an over to calm down and relax. As soon as I woke up I started thinking of all of these things that I had to do, errands to run, and people I needed to be in touch with. I finished a couple of chores around the house and then took a shower to wake me up for the interview for the magazine this afternoon.
The shower took everything out of me. I was exhausted. As I got ready, I carefully brushed my hair checking the brush every few minutes to see if hair was coming out. Thankfully, it was just a little more than usual. Hair seems to be thinning, but no loss yet! My body feels like it is really “fried”. That is the description that have felt last time I was on the infusion drugs. My whole body feels dry and thirsty for nourishment. I have been drinking tons of water and it just doesn’t quench my thirst. I have this burning sensation in my throat, I think this is from the radiation that I did weeks ago. The one thing that feels good to eat is ice cold frozen yogurt. I actually ate almost a whole pint of it today…but that’s really all except for a couple of little roll ups from Zoes. My back feels much better than before, but I can feel the pain creeping in if I miss a dose of meds.
Today our dear friend Kim passed away. She was my “neighbor” at the Cancer Treatment Centers. She and her family were so kind to me while I was there and treated me as part of their family when I didn’t have anyone there. My heart goes out to her family and friends. She was just a young mother with a whole life ahead of her, but I guess god has decided there is another place for her now. It just makes everything so much more real. I was in her room yesterday once I was discharged to say goodbye and she was already not looking well. Her whole family was there with friends surrounding…you could just feel the love in the room. Even though I didn’t know her long, I know the type of person she was, just by who she surrounded herself with. I only wish there was more that I could do. It makes me so angry at this cancer and what it does to people! It makes me scared for myself and to know that someday I may be feeling Kim’s pain and in her shoes. It was only a couple of days ago that we were joking around with each other and laughing.
Please keep her family, friends, nurses, doctors, and all those that knew her in your thoughts and prayers tonight.