The Do’s and Don’ts of Fair Fighting
-Do be clear about what you want.
-Do stick to the issues at hand.
-Do look at both sides of the story.
-Do listen more than you talk.
-Do apologize when you are wrong.
-Do not look for total victory.
-Do not prolong the argument.
-Do not nag or withdraw.
-Do not take the moral high ground.
Ways to Reduce the Stress on Your Marriage
-Talk to a friend.
-Slow down.
-Find time in your day to do something that makes you feel good.
-Keep your sense of humor- even in difficult situations.
-Do not dwell on your mistakes.
-Forgive yourself and your partner.
-Do not expect perfection from your partner or yourself.
-Find ways to take care of your partner and yourself.
-Change the scenery.
-Eliminate unnecessary pressure and people.
Prescription For a Sexier, More Exciting Marriage
-Show your love every day.
-Touch each other lovingly.
-Show and tell your spouse what pleases you.
-Make time to spend alone together-go on a picnic.
-Play and laugh together.
-Talk to each other- share your fantasies, dreams, desires, needs and wants.
-Leave each other love notes on occasion. It makes the other person feel good!
Ideas for Resolving Money Differences
-Sit down with your partner and talk about the way each of your families of origin dealt with money.
-Talk about the effects that past experiences may be having on your present attitudes about money. Ask yourself and your partner if those current attitudes and behaviors make sense.
-Understand each other’s short and long-term financial goals.
-Understand that your different values and ideas about money require ongoing negotiation.
-Respect each other’s values and preferences about spending and saving.
- Brainstorm solutions that make you both feel comfortable.
-Respect each other’s contribution to the marriage as equal- even if one partner earns most or all of the money.
-Make sure you and your partner both have access to a significant portion of the money.
-Agree on an amount that each spouse can spend without consulting the other.
Take a few minutes to answer the following ten questions with a “yes” or “no”.
1. Do you believe that there is only one person for you?
2. Do you believe that true soulmates never have major differences?
3. Do you believe that partners in a good marriage rarely argue?
4. Do you believe that happily married couples should do everything together?
5. Do you believe that your partner’s strengths can make up for your partner’s shortcomings?
6. Do you believe that your strengths can make up for your partner’s shortcomings?
7. Do you believe you can choose to ignore either of your families of origin, and it will not affect your marriage?
8. Do you believe that people can resolve their differences without much effort as long as they are in love?
9. Do you believe you can make your husband or wife change bad habits after you marry each other?
10. Do you believe two people who love each other will automatically grow closer with time?
If you answered yes to the above questions it may indicate that you are harboring an unrealistic expectation that is bound to lead to feelings of disappointment about the state of your marriage. Try and change your attitude and opinions about what a marriage is. A good marriage is a long term process so we can’t expect change overnight. Everyone has a right to want our needs to be fulfilled, but it is important to be realistic. Even in the best of marriages, a spouse can provide only part of the fulfillment. The rest has to come from children, work, interests hobbies and within ourselves.