In my article “When does a Child Start to Show Empathy?” we looked at what empathy is and what capacity our children have at various ages to observe and feel what others feel and react appropriately to it.
Just briefly, empathy is “the ability to put yourself into another person’s shoes and to experience something as that other person would.” (3)
We learned that a child doesn’t even have the capacity to truly understand what is going on in somebody else’s heart and mind until he is six or seven years old. That's a relief to this momma since it means that my 6-year-old still has time to learn empathy and is apparently in line with this developmental milestone.
We also learned that empathy requires a child to be able to observe or read nonverbal cues and regulate her own emotions.
So what can we, as parents, do to teach our children to observe and feel the emotions of other people?
Tips for Teaching Empathy: Honesty and Security
1) Be honest
By the age of five or six, your child will be more aware of his own emotion and will be able to recognize those emotions in others. These new discoveries mean that your child will actually want to talk about what he is feeling or what she has observed in other people. (2)
The best way to encourage empathy is for parents to be honest and straightforward about their own feelings. If your child sees you crying or angry or asks you “Why are you yelling at me”, that’s your cue to explain what you are feeling and what’s making you feel that way.
Her even asking “What’s wrong?” is showing empathy and by responding honestly you will be telling your child that “empathy has meaning and value.” (3)
2) Meet your child’s emotional needs
Children who don’t have secure attachment relationships with their family, caregivers or teachers will feel insecure about their home or school situations. This insecurity or fear can actually interfere with a child’s development of empathy.
When kids’ needs are being met, particularly at home, “they are more likely to show sympathy and offer help to other kids in distress.” (4)
Tips for Teaching Empathy: Behavior Modeling and Social Stories
3) Be a Role Model
For our children to be able to handle their emotions and the emotions of others appropriately, we have to model positive ways of regulating our emotions. We must demonstrate to our children how to be empathetic and sympathetic towards others.
Remember, our kids are watching everything we do and not necessarily picking up the things we would like them to.
4) Read Stories
Reading draws your child into the mind and heart of the characters in the story and helps them to see the world differently. With my two children, I actually use a lot of examples from the TV programs they watch, as well.
It takes a lot of mental work for my sons, particularly my older son who is moderately autistic, to picture what someone is feeling or demonstrating about their feelings. A TV program creates that picture for him, bypasses his slower processing speed, and allows him to understand what I’m trying to teach him.
These four strategies are certainly not easy, particularly as we attempt the role modelling of regulating our own emotions. I, for one, struggle with this one.
But, since kids act out what they see and not necessarily what you say, it’s time to get our emotional house in order so we can act that out for our kids instead.
Sources:
1) How Children Develop Empathy. Kutner, Lawrence. PsychCentral. Web. Accessed: Aug 17, 2014.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-children-develop-empathy/0001234
2) Ages & Stages: Empathy – How to nurture this important gateway to a social and emotional growth. Poole, Carla et. al. Scholastic. Web. Accessed: Aug 17, 2014.
http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/article/ages-stages-empathy
3) Empathy in Children Aged Two to Six. Flatter, Charles. SesameStreet.org. Web. Accessed: Aug 17, 2014.
http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/topics/getalong/getalong01
4) Teaching empathy: Evidence-based tips for fostering empathy in children. Dewar, Gwen. ParentingScience.com. Web. Accessed: Aug 17, 2014.
http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html
5) 8 Ways to Cultivate Empathy in Kids. Forbes.com. Web. Accessed: Aug 17, 2014.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/ashoka/2013/04/29/8-ways-to-cultivate-empathy-in-kids
Reviewed August 22, 2014
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith