Well, I am sitting here, thinking about my life right now on a Sunday evening, and found a quote from Alan Alda that meant the world to me not too long ago:
"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself." ~Alan Alda
Granted, the "wilderness" for me was Virginia, five states away from my "city of comfort", but I felt I had to leave my comforts: family, friends - essentially everything I had grown up with for the past 15 years - to really get to know myself, apart from my family and history here.
I am not sure what I "learned" about myself during my journey, honestly! I just "lived" my life day-to-day. I tried new things, met new people, pushed myself into job roles that I was SCARED OF and under-qualified for. Or, so I thought at the time. I ended up being successful in my career with several promotions under my belt, but decided to give up a big house, great job title, lucrative income...to move back to my city of comfort! I was scared to move back home, too...as they say "you can never go back home" (which is right...too many things have changed for anything to remain the same). However, try as I did, Virginia never felt like my "home"...even after seven years, many friends and great memories.
I wondered if I would ever regret the decision to leave; if I would feel like I "gave up" to "run back home"-- but I haven't felt like that at all. Maybe enough time has passed that I really have become an interdependent person (instead of "an independent" person, which reminds me of my teenage years, when I would *demand* my independence and *demand* that I was mature. It's only when you stop demanding and actually live on your own --that means financially, too!---that you truly can have an interconnectedness, an interdependent relationship, with your family. But, I digress on a bunny trail...
I have some little tinges of regret, maybe just sadness or nostalgia of the loss of my younger self, when I am driving around town and things have changed. Or, that my family actually thrived without me! We all have a little narcissism in us: you mean, the world actually keeps moving if we're not there?! (ha!).
I found it strange that when I left Virginia, no one questioned my decision (like I was questioning it!). When I said "I'm moving back near family" they all said "of course" and "that's what they had done, too". When I moved AWAY from family, I heard support for "being courageous" and "following your dreams". I wonder, am I not following my dreams anymore? Or, have they just changed?
I am proud of what I accomplished in Virginia, and have to remind myself that that is still with me; it is who I am now. I need to reestablish myself here, my new identity and interdependence with family, while making new friends. I remind myself that it took a good 3-5 years for Virginia to feel "right" for me; I guess I assumed moving back to the "city of my comfort" would feel, well, comfortable! But, so much has changed, as have I, that it will take time.
Have you experienced a big move in your adult life, from your own choice? What was this like for you?