Well, I am sitting here, thinking about my life right now on a Sunday evening, and found a quote from Alan Alda that meant the world to me not too long ago:
"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself." ~Alan Alda
Granted, the "wilderness" for me was Virginia, five states away from my "city of comfort", but I felt I had to leave my comforts: family, friends - essentially everything I had grown up with for the past 15 years - to really get to know myself, apart from my family and history here.
I am not sure what I "learned" about myself during my journey, honestly! I just "lived" my life day-to-day. I tried new things, met new people, pushed myself into job roles that I was SCARED OF and under-qualified for. Or, so I thought at the time. I ended up being successful in my career with several promotions under my belt, but decided to give up a big house, great job title, lucrative income...to move back to my city of comfort! I was scared to move back home, too...as they say "you can never go back home" (which is right...too many things have changed for anything to remain the same). However, try as I did, Virginia never felt like my "home"...even after seven years, many friends and great memories.
I wondered if I would ever regret the decision to leave; if I would feel like I "gave up" to "run back home"-- but I haven't felt like that at all. Maybe enough time has passed that I really have become an interdependent person (instead of "an independent" person, which reminds me of my teenage years, when I would *demand* my independence and *demand* that I was mature. It's only when you stop demanding and actually live on your own --that means financially, too!---that you truly can have an interconnectedness, an interdependent relationship, with your family. But, I digress on a bunny trail...
I have some little tinges of regret, maybe just sadness or nostalgia of the loss of my younger self, when I am driving around town and things have changed. Or, that my family actually thrived without me! We all have a little narcissism in us: you mean, the world actually keeps moving if we're not there?! (ha!).
I found it strange that when I left Virginia, no one questioned my decision (like I was questioning it!). When I said "I'm moving back near family" they all said "of course" and "that's what they had done, too". When I moved AWAY from family, I heard support for "being courageous" and "following your dreams". I wonder, am I not following my dreams anymore? Or, have they just changed?
I am proud of what I accomplished in Virginia, and have to remind myself that that is still with me; it is who I am now. I need to reestablish myself here, my new identity and interdependence with family, while making new friends. I remind myself that it took a good 3-5 years for Virginia to feel "right" for me; I guess I assumed moving back to the "city of my comfort" would feel, well, comfortable! But, so much has changed, as have I, that it will take time.
Have you experienced a big move in your adult life, from your own choice? What was this like for you?
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Dear friend,
I hope you are well, and responding well to your new challenges, I think we all at first have some amount of anxiety with something new. Yet as I look hindsight at my most challenging endeavors, the ones that stretched me the most grew me the most. As I look back over my life, nothing really came easy and yet all is real today in my life. And it all came about from some amount of struggles.
POEM By alan Alda.....You Have To Leave The City Of Your Comfort And Go Into The Wilderness Of Your Intuition. What You'll Discover Will Be Wonderful. What You'll Discover Is Yourself.
I read this years ago when i needed it the most, and have thought of it many many times. I was young in my faith then, but it was in leaving my city of comfort that I discovered who God truely was. It is when He became a reality to me, it was a time in my life that I was called away from my home, family ( even my own children for a season)and friends job everything that I knew and starting a new life with just me and God. I was 30 years old and already saved but this was my turning point in my life. being changed by God. And I have had some pretty severe challenges since then that i would want to run from, but they too have been the most exciting and maturing times for me.
My Prayer for you and your husband is that God will do above and beyond all that you can imagine, that He will meet you both at every struggle, that He will show Himself to be the great I AM in ways that are beyond mere words. Life with our Lord is always going to be intertwined with sorrows and joys. I just pray that the joys are felt and embraced more then the sorrows.
As for me, God is good, I was hurt deeply by my husband this week and I was determined not to let it hurt me with the Lord, I reached out to a couple of friends and asked them to pray I prayed myself and my husband said he was sorry, that all God he does not ask forgiveness too often i have fingers left on one hand 3 of them for the amount of times he has said he is sorry. So he is learning to say he is sorry and i am learning patience and what it means to wait on the Lord.
Love you
In Christ
MaryAnn
July 26, 2008 - 7:42amThis Comment
I love what you wrote here, Alison!! It's interesting what you say about how people reacted to your move back home versus when you moved out to Virginia. They're both very courageous moves. Moving "back home" is still quite scary because that place moved on just like you did and is no longer the place you remember.
I just made my first big move in 20 years. I decided to divorce my husband, and although I haven't moved physically (I've stayed in my house), this experience has been a significant "move" for me as so much of my life has utterly and completely changed. And, like you, I've found it interesting how people react to this big change in my life. Typically, people say "I'm so sorry" or they change the subject because they don't know what to say. I don't hear words of support for being courageous (unless they're close friends and know the situation).
I feel exhilarated, like I'm 22 all over again, back in 1988 when I moved to a brand-new city, Boston, got an apartment and a job and started a new life on my own. (Ironically, I just went back to Mass. for my 20-yr. college reunion, so I feel like I've come full circle with all the feelings I've had lately of starting over.)
I love the Alan Alda quote -- I'll definitely print it.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!
Kristin Davis
June 1, 2008 - 10:15pmhttp://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
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