We had a recent question similar to yours, and one of the EmpowHer medical experts, Dr. Deborah Rouse Raines, provided the best information I have seen. You can read her response to this and similar questions here.
One of the best answers Dr. Raines provided was for the question, "Why Can't I Reach Orgasm?" that relates to your question is, "When you say that you can't reach an orgasm, first, let’s define NEVER." In other words, you have been able to have orgasms in the past. Comparing your experience to be able/not be able to reach orgasm with different partners (in my opinion) is not relevant. You are different with different people, as is your relationship in all aspects: including the sexual aspects.
In terms of you and your body, mind and spirit, are you able to communicate with your current partner about what feels good & what doesn't? What are your expectations? How do you feel about this person in the other aspects of your relationship? Is there communication, mutual respect and understanding? You mentioned that you have been able to orgasm with partners that you do not have strong feelings for, but don't underestimate your mind's role in reaching an orgasm (whether or not you like the person!). What is actually physically arousing you vs. just getting you to your stated "end goal"? What is your mind telling you about your partner?
I recently answered another person's question regarding "Why Are My Orgasms Boring?", and have the same suggestions/questions for you:
- Having an orgasm for women begins with the mind, so clearing out any worries, frustrations and expectations you have may help.
- Are you and your partner being adequately patient for your orgasms to progress and build up? (Sometimes, we may be in such a hurry to get to the "ultimate goal", that the build-up phase is rushed.)
You said, "My recent partner can get me to the point where I feel like I can but then it goes away even if she continues on what she is doing." My first reaction is: why is your partner continuing doing what she's doing, then? Can you both try something different at the last minute? Sometimes something unexpected (and agreed upon by both people!) can push you over the edge.
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Amber,
We had a recent question similar to yours, and one of the EmpowHer medical experts, Dr. Deborah Rouse Raines, provided the best information I have seen. You can read her response to this and similar questions here.
One of the best answers Dr. Raines provided was for the question, "Why Can't I Reach Orgasm?" that relates to your question is, "When you say that you can't reach an orgasm, first, let’s define NEVER." In other words, you have been able to have orgasms in the past. Comparing your experience to be able/not be able to reach orgasm with different partners (in my opinion) is not relevant. You are different with different people, as is your relationship in all aspects: including the sexual aspects.
In terms of you and your body, mind and spirit, are you able to communicate with your current partner about what feels good & what doesn't? What are your expectations? How do you feel about this person in the other aspects of your relationship? Is there communication, mutual respect and understanding? You mentioned that you have been able to orgasm with partners that you do not have strong feelings for, but don't underestimate your mind's role in reaching an orgasm (whether or not you like the person!). What is actually physically arousing you vs. just getting you to your stated "end goal"? What is your mind telling you about your partner?
I recently answered another person's question regarding "Why Are My Orgasms Boring?", and have the same suggestions/questions for you:
- Having an orgasm for women begins with the mind, so clearing out any worries, frustrations and expectations you have may help.
- Are you and your partner being adequately patient for your orgasms to progress and build up? (Sometimes, we may be in such a hurry to get to the "ultimate goal", that the build-up phase is rushed.)
You said, "My recent partner can get me to the point where I feel like I can but then it goes away even if she continues on what she is doing." My first reaction is: why is your partner continuing doing what she's doing, then? Can you both try something different at the last minute? Sometimes something unexpected (and agreed upon by both people!) can push you over the edge.
February 8, 2009 - 1:19pmThis Comment
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