I disagree that you are "addicted" to a vibrator: it is most likely a simple answer that many women do not have orgasms during sex, because the sexual act is not providing the same stimulation, in the same way as the vibrator. Your vibrator works because it is designed to provide direct stimulation to the most sensitive part of your body, with you controlling the pressure and every movement. Sexual intercourse, for many women, does not include stimulating the clitoris directly, and with another person in the mix, it is (obviously) impossible to control everything. It might take time to work together to reach your goal. There is really nothing more to "read" into it than that.
The suggestion above is interesting: what does your boyfriend think about using the vibrator during sex?
Along with Tina's great suggestions, here is another similar question and answer that you can read, "Why Can't I Reach an Orgasm?".
The question you are asking is so multi-faceted, but here are a few questions to think about, while you read the links we sent you.
1. What is your sexual relationship like with your boyfriend? What do you enjoy? What would you like to change? For instance, do you feel there is enough adequate stimulation ("foreplay"), so that you are highly aroused, mentally and physically?
2. Do you feel rushed to have an orgasm? Are you both rushing to get to the "goal", and not enjoying the "journey"? Are you enjoying the intimacy with your boyfriend in other ways, and vice versa?
3. How are other aspects of your relationship with your boyfriend, as other issues can manifest themselves in the sexual part. Do you feel that you are understood, loved, respected, listened to?
4. You mentioned that "now I have a boyfriend". How long have you been dating? Do you feel pressured to perform and have an orgasm, because that's what you think you should do (or what he wants you to do)? It might take some time with a new boyfriend, to gain trust and really "know" what feels best to each other.
If you're OK with all of your answers to the questions above, the links Tina and I provided do contain a few book resources, as well as other suggestions. Good luck! Let us know if you have any follow-up questions!
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I disagree that you are "addicted" to a vibrator: it is most likely a simple answer that many women do not have orgasms during sex, because the sexual act is not providing the same stimulation, in the same way as the vibrator. Your vibrator works because it is designed to provide direct stimulation to the most sensitive part of your body, with you controlling the pressure and every movement. Sexual intercourse, for many women, does not include stimulating the clitoris directly, and with another person in the mix, it is (obviously) impossible to control everything. It might take time to work together to reach your goal. There is really nothing more to "read" into it than that.
The suggestion above is interesting: what does your boyfriend think about using the vibrator during sex?
Along with Tina's great suggestions, here is another similar question and answer that you can read, "Why Can't I Reach an Orgasm?".
The question you are asking is so multi-faceted, but here are a few questions to think about, while you read the links we sent you.
1. What is your sexual relationship like with your boyfriend? What do you enjoy? What would you like to change? For instance, do you feel there is enough adequate stimulation ("foreplay"), so that you are highly aroused, mentally and physically?
2. Do you feel rushed to have an orgasm? Are you both rushing to get to the "goal", and not enjoying the "journey"? Are you enjoying the intimacy with your boyfriend in other ways, and vice versa?
3. How are other aspects of your relationship with your boyfriend, as other issues can manifest themselves in the sexual part. Do you feel that you are understood, loved, respected, listened to?
4. You mentioned that "now I have a boyfriend". How long have you been dating? Do you feel pressured to perform and have an orgasm, because that's what you think you should do (or what he wants you to do)? It might take some time with a new boyfriend, to gain trust and really "know" what feels best to each other.
If you're OK with all of your answers to the questions above, the links Tina and I provided do contain a few book resources, as well as other suggestions. Good luck! Let us know if you have any follow-up questions!
February 19, 2009 - 12:54pmThis Comment
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