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dont understand why i cant orgasm

By February 8, 2009 - 9:13am
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I am a 21 year old bisexual mommy. I have a high sex drive and have a problem reaching orgasm. I have an IUD and don’t believe that this is my full problem because I have been able to orgasm while on it. I have been with several guys and only one was able to get me there just about everytime. And have been able to with guys that I don’t have strong feelings with but it doesn’t happen often. Lately I have been reading up on it and read about mental isssues stopping and I don’t believe I have any. I have several toys and have been using them endless and no success. My recent partner a female can get me to the point where I feel like I can but then it goes away even if she continues on what she is doing. I also have several creams that help but not in that way
I don’t know where to go from here. Please help

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EmpowHER Guest

I feel compelled to comment on "miscortes" reply about IUD's causing sexual dysfunction. Is Amber using a hormone releasing IUD? Correct me if I'm wrong the article refers to are both hormone-releasing IUDs. I don't think non-hormonal (copper) IUD has negative effects on sex drive. IUD's have earned a In fact, on almost every blog, forum and informational website I've read, many women turn to non-hormonal IUD's when Birth Control Pills and other hormonal methods of birth control because of lack of sex drive or sexual dysfunction. I believe IUD's earn a bad rap due to lack of education on the matter. However, miscortes made a very good point that an IUD is really only suited for a monogamous relationship due to the increased risk of PID.

There are many other causes for sexual dysfunction, some of the leading causes being hormone imbalance, depression, medication side effects and emotional trama.

March 21, 2009 - 9:54pm


We had a recent question similar to yours, and one of the EmpowHer medical experts, Dr. Deborah Rouse Raines, provided the best information I have seen. You can read her response to this and similar questions here.

One of the best answers Dr. Raines provided was for the question, "Why Can't I Reach Orgasm?" that relates to your question is, "When you say that you can't reach an orgasm, first, let’s define NEVER." In other words, you have been able to have orgasms in the past. Comparing your experience to be able/not be able to reach orgasm with different partners (in my opinion) is not relevant. You are different with different people, as is your relationship in all aspects: including the sexual aspects.

In terms of you and your body, mind and spirit, are you able to communicate with your current partner about what feels good & what doesn't? What are your expectations? How do you feel about this person in the other aspects of your relationship? Is there communication, mutual respect and understanding? You mentioned that you have been able to orgasm with partners that you do not have strong feelings for, but don't underestimate your mind's role in reaching an orgasm (whether or not you like the person!). What is actually physically arousing you vs. just getting you to your stated "end goal"? What is your mind telling you about your partner?

I recently answered another person's question regarding "Why Are My Orgasms Boring?", and have the same suggestions/questions for you:
- Having an orgasm for women begins with the mind, so clearing out any worries, frustrations and expectations you have may help.
- Are you and your partner being adequately patient for your orgasms to progress and build up? (Sometimes, we may be in such a hurry to get to the "ultimate goal", that the build-up phase is rushed.)

You said, "My recent partner can get me to the point where I feel like I can but then it goes away even if she continues on what she is doing." My first reaction is: why is your partner continuing doing what she's doing, then? Can you both try something different at the last minute? Sometimes something unexpected (and agreed upon by both people!) can push you over the edge.

February 8, 2009 - 1:19pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Amber,

Thank you for sharing your story. Sexual dysfunction is a common side effect of IUD (intrauterine devise). The Feminist Women's Health Center provides information on the side effects of IUD usage. Check out this website http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/iudinfo.htm#side-effects.

You may want to try another form of contraception for this reason and another reason. IUD's are meant for people who are monogamous. The reason behind this is because you are more susceptible to infections which have far reaching effects. You should consult your physician and let him/her know about your sexual dysfunction as well as your lifestyle. He/She may chose another form for your safety.

I hope this helps.

February 8, 2009 - 12:08pm
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