First of all, I can't tell you how much I admire your honesty and willingness to open up about this very touchy and painful issue. I also can't tell you how many times I HAVE BEEN THERE and it always amazes me that women can be so incredibly insensitive toward one another. I think your friend is being ridiculous but I also think she's just parading her new relationship around because, as you said, it's been awhile since things worked out well for her. Most likely she made that comment to your boyfriend because she was feeling a little bold and actually, although it may have seemed the opposite, wanted to stick up for you!? Crazy as this seems, with alcohol, sometimes women go overboard in their desire to let out the truth, or speak up .... misplaced and crude, maybe, but just to make you feel her support - my guess is she's probably trying to get your man to man up.
On to the boyfriend issue - this is, as you say, a real blow to your self esteem. So much so, that I'm afraid this type of rejection will potentially destroy your relationship if something doesn't change. Sexual rejection is by far one of the most painful experiences any person can have, particularly when its done by someone you deeply care about.
There are a few thoughts I have about this
1 - he's cheating. One sign of cheating is a lower interest in sex or intimacy with a current partner.
2 - He's angry about something between the two of you that is resolved for you, but not for him. Holding on to anger and resentment can lead to a cold feeling for intimacy.
3 - He's getting closer to you than he's ever been to anyone and is shutting down. Maybe he thinks he should be proposing or is worried about the issue of commitment. Perhaps he feels he wants to or you want to, but he's just not ready. Either way, he needs to figure it out and talk with you so you're not left out of this relationship.
Being lonely INSIDE of a relationship is a form of emotional agony, almost worse than being alone without a partner (far worse in many ways).
The constant rejection is not something you should live with for much longer.
My advice -
Tell him, without being loud, pushy, aggressive or coming on to him in any way, that you love him, that you want him, and that your feelings about yourself and the relationship are being deeply hurt and wounded every time he pushes you away. Tell him that actions speak louder than words and if he truly still wants you and finds you sexy, he needs to show you rather than just tell you.
Tell him that if he can't open up to you on his own, then you would like to seek counseling.
If he doesn't want to talk or go to a counselor, YOU SHOULD GO ALONE ANYWAY!!!!
The reason is: talking to a counselor will help you with the issues you are facing, help you determine whether or not to stay, break up, or work it through, and will keep you sane, safe and emotionally healthy in the face of this pain.
Be strong and believe in yourself.
Lots of peace, luck and happiness on your journey...
Comment Reply
Dear Lovely Reader,
First of all, I can't tell you how much I admire your honesty and willingness to open up about this very touchy and painful issue. I also can't tell you how many times I HAVE BEEN THERE and it always amazes me that women can be so incredibly insensitive toward one another. I think your friend is being ridiculous but I also think she's just parading her new relationship around because, as you said, it's been awhile since things worked out well for her. Most likely she made that comment to your boyfriend because she was feeling a little bold and actually, although it may have seemed the opposite, wanted to stick up for you!? Crazy as this seems, with alcohol, sometimes women go overboard in their desire to let out the truth, or speak up .... misplaced and crude, maybe, but just to make you feel her support - my guess is she's probably trying to get your man to man up.
On to the boyfriend issue - this is, as you say, a real blow to your self esteem. So much so, that I'm afraid this type of rejection will potentially destroy your relationship if something doesn't change. Sexual rejection is by far one of the most painful experiences any person can have, particularly when its done by someone you deeply care about.
There are a few thoughts I have about this
1 - he's cheating. One sign of cheating is a lower interest in sex or intimacy with a current partner.
2 - He's angry about something between the two of you that is resolved for you, but not for him. Holding on to anger and resentment can lead to a cold feeling for intimacy.
3 - He's getting closer to you than he's ever been to anyone and is shutting down. Maybe he thinks he should be proposing or is worried about the issue of commitment. Perhaps he feels he wants to or you want to, but he's just not ready. Either way, he needs to figure it out and talk with you so you're not left out of this relationship.
Being lonely INSIDE of a relationship is a form of emotional agony, almost worse than being alone without a partner (far worse in many ways).
The constant rejection is not something you should live with for much longer.
My advice -
Tell him, without being loud, pushy, aggressive or coming on to him in any way, that you love him, that you want him, and that your feelings about yourself and the relationship are being deeply hurt and wounded every time he pushes you away. Tell him that actions speak louder than words and if he truly still wants you and finds you sexy, he needs to show you rather than just tell you.
Tell him that if he can't open up to you on his own, then you would like to seek counseling.
If he doesn't want to talk or go to a counselor, YOU SHOULD GO ALONE ANYWAY!!!!
The reason is: talking to a counselor will help you with the issues you are facing, help you determine whether or not to stay, break up, or work it through, and will keep you sane, safe and emotionally healthy in the face of this pain.
Be strong and believe in yourself.
Lots of peace, luck and happiness on your journey...
Take care,
Aimee
March 2, 2010 - 6:03pmThis Comment
Reply