i have noticed a little improvement from him. but i have learned not to get my hopes up, because it usually doesnt last long. for the first time he admitted that he blames me more than he blames himself. so that was nice to know that he relizes that. Sometimes he can be the biggest jerk though. I wish that he would think about what he says before he says it. He hurts my feelings alot because of the dirty looks and the rude comments. I feel like he treats me as if im a little kid or as if i am dumb. I dont feel like he respects me. I have a low self of steam due to this treatment. I know i am a good woman, a good mother and a wonderful partner, but in his eyes I am not up to par on anything. He make me feel unattractive, annoying and as if nothing i do is right.
I know that is not good. Everyone keeps telling me leave but i am so tired of hearing that. I know i have an option of leaving but that is not what i want. To be honest i would not have anything without him. such as: a home, transportation, clothes, baby stuff. I dont have the choice of leaving, and i know what most people have already told me.... there are people who can help you. These are my reasons for not leaving.
. I love him and i want this to workout.
. Metropolitan housing is not accepting aplications and wont for a year.
. Hopehouse wont accept me unless i have a job.
. I dont have a job
. I dont have a licence
. I dont have a car
. I dont want to have to go to court
. I dont want my son to have to deal with the separation of his parents because i went through it and it was heartbreaking. My situation is just so complicated when i only have one person to turn to. I have no indipendence.
I just really hope things will turn around. I find myself wondering ,why me? but like my mom always said "you made your bed now lay in it."