I am so thankful to have people to talk to about this because it helps me understand myself a little better. i learn alot of helpful things from talking to everyone. I dont get out of the house very much and i am always at home alone with the baby. Wow! you know what, that is the best advice anybody has ever given me. Thank you. Most people just tell me to leave him. I agree completly! My story is not finished. I dont want to give up. I will try what ever i can to make this work. I have picture perfect dreams for my future such as a stable and loving family. I gave up on alot of things in my life such as school, but i am not going to give up on my life long dream with my son and the love of my life. I never knew how strong of a person i was until i got pregnant. i felt like everything in my mind was turned around. I changed alot of things in a positive way. i feel like a different person now.
I do agree with the part where you said "try not to judge". Because i do judge him alot when he makes decisions. because I get upset that he is spending money on exspensive car parts. Last night i looked on his ebay account and seen that he had just won an auction for a $200-$300 car part. I asked him why he did not tell me about it and he replied "am i supposed to tell you what i am doing with my money?" I rolled my eyes and said "yes" and he just laughed at me. he is constantly asking me what he should buy for his car next and i could really care less because to be honest i think it is a big waste of money but his car is like his toy so i dont really argue about the subject too much i just hate it when he buys car parts and then we have no groceries.
Number 1 seems to be the road im gonna go. I want to make the best of my situation. and 2 sounds good too. I was planning on getting a job once he starts school. I am also taking my driving test in march so I think that would help my independence a little bit. I want to have my own money to spend. I cant wait till the day i can take my little man shopping. My son means everything to me & I want him to have the best of life. I love that i get to spend everyday with him. I love it when it is just me n' my babyboy, we just play & laugh at each other. I love being a mom. my son is the best thing that ever happend to me.
For the past week i have not slept with him in bed. we just got the babies room set up a few days ago so now the baby doesnt sleep in our room anymore. I have been sleeping on the floor in the babies room or on the couch. I thought it would be good to let my partner sleep because he was constantly complaining about being tired because i had to constantly get out of bed to tend to the baby. Another thing is that when my partner is awake i am napping with the baby so we barely see each other now but, I thought this would be good to try out because i thought maybe he would miss me and want me around more. Is that a bad idea?
Well, for the past few nights he has asked me if i was comming to bed with him and i would tell him "No i think im gonna stay up, I still have to take a bath and wait till the baby falls asleep." and he would say "Ok go take a bath and i will wait for you". I kinda felt bad, but i told him to go ahead and go to bed. I just feel it is important for him to relize how he makes me feel. He makes me feel alone and unwanted sometimes. We have not had sex or any affection in a little over a year now. It is quite depressing because i feel as if we are like friends living together more than a couple and i have told him that.
I dont want things to be like this anymore. I want him to put his arms around me and tell me he loves me. but I always have to say i love you first. I miss him so much. he lets me hug him now, but anything else is off limits to him. I want him to give me a real kiss not a peck on the lips. I want him to hold me like he will never see me again. I want communication between the both of us. Rigt now it is like only he can talk and anything i have to say is just dumb and not worth listening to. The stuff i talk to him about is important. I spill my heart out to him and he just throws it back in my face by ignoring me, laughing and telling me im crazy.
I really do try everything to help him with what ever is bothering him. And if he thinks the problem is me then i am going to try be away from him for a while and see if that makes a difference in his behavor twards me.
I guess i am going to have to do what ever i can to be very patient with my partner and hang on for dear life. Hopefully somethings start getting smoother in our relationship.