Your reply helps to keep my perspective, thank you for your time and care. My husband drinks six out of seven days. The minimum per day is normally an average of a case or more of beer. Three days on average he adds to the beer one fourth to one half of a gallon of vodka or whiskey. He has been verbally abusive for most of our marriage and I decided early in our marriage that he truly believes that he is not being abusive and I needed to stand my ground in reminding him of how hurtful his statements are and not back down in fear. In the last five years the verbal abuse has become worse (as the drinking started to increase) and he has been physically abusive in the last three years. He has made verbal threats and has gotten handguns out at the times of heavy verbal abuse and threats. He agrees that we should not live together "if" he is acting this way and so far is agreeable. He does not like or want the family law court to be involved although he has stated that we "may at a later date need to file for divorce". I decided to get help now and try to set up a situation where he would understand I am serious, this is a harmful environment for both of us, and we can work this out or he has a chance to choose not to. At this point in time we are talking on the phone every other day and I must confess that many of those times he is drinking or already drunk. I am working on my response to him and trying to not talk with him when he is drunk and doing so in a positive way by saying lets talk later. It is a long, hard process and the end may not be what I would choose for it to be but I am doing what I believe to be best for my husband, for me and for our children and grandchildren. God alone knows if it is the correct choice.