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afraid of my vagina at 22 years old

By April 3, 2010 - 6:33pm
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Hi, i'm a 22 year old virgin female. when i was younger i loved to kiss boys and my neighbor, i was fiesty up until age 12. i have had some then i started high school and then sex never really interested me. had one boyfriend and i loved to have dry sex, but whenever he fingered me it hurt! i've never fingered myself, put a tampon in, or even been able to get a speculum in at the gyno because it scares me that it's going to hurt. i have boys over and now i hardly let them finger me. i don't want to be this way- it's possible i could be bisexual but i've never explored it and honestly don't really want to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, i'm very embarrassed about this..

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EmpowHER Guest

Seltzy - be careful not to put yourself in a situation where guys will expect you to have sex with them. Make sure to plan your interactions with guys in places and situations where you are in control. When you find a guy you really like and are comfortable with - after spending time with him and getting to know him, then you will feel more comfortable about physical intimacy. But start out slowly - and make sure you let the guy know - that you want to start slow with just some gentle touching. And also don't be afraid of touching yourself with a little lubricant - either KY jelly type lubricant or something simple like lotion or vegetable oil. It would be hard to be comfortable with someone else touching you if you aren't even comfortable with touching yourself. Also consider non-sexual touching. When you have someone you have feelings for, do things such as taking a bath together or massaging each other with lotion. Just set ground rules - at first anyway - that it is not going to be about sex. Learn to pleasure each other gently and without sex. Best wishes.

June 15, 2012 - 4:45pm
EmpowHER Guest

You may have a condition known as Vaginismus. Google it to see if that may be it by the way you say u have pain that sounds like it. I don't think your a lesbian you obviously take an interest in boys. Good luck.

May 12, 2012 - 8:24am
EmpowHER Guest

Hey Miscortes,

The feeling of discomfort is like when he is trying to place a finger there my legs start clamping together. I feel really uneasy and get scared. When he placed his finger last time i got scared and then we stopped. it's like my mind is stopping me everything down there just feels weird.

February 26, 2011 - 11:49am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Anonymous,
Can you explain exactly what discomfort you are having? Is it the new experience you are afraid of? What is the pain that you are talking about? What hurts?

Thank you for the additional information.

February 26, 2011 - 10:14am
EmpowHER Guest

I have the same problem. I am 22 years old and I have had a bf for four years and i know i am ready to have sex and i want him to be the one but i am so scared even when he just puts a finger there. I
m having a hard time and i get this feeling of pain and discomfort. I have never been sexually abused or anything... why is this discomfort happening?? and how can i fix this?

February 25, 2011 - 9:31pm
Expert HERWriter Guide Blogger

Anon - yes, there is a greater risk of cervical cancer among women who are sexually active and some sexually transmitted viruses can lead to cervical cancer. The National Cervical Cancer Coalition states that Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is found in about 99% of cervical cancers.

The cervical cancer rate among nuns, however, is not zero. One of the largest studies of cancer rates in nuns, as compared to other women, showed cervical cancer rates for nuns at 10.8% versus a higher rate in sexually active women. The differences are believed to be related to sexual activity.

The link https://www.empowher.com/media/reference/cervical-cancer#causes also includes the following information on the causes of cervical cancer:

Scientists believe several risk factors act together. These include:

* Infection of the cervix with the human papillomavirus (HPV)—the primary risk factor for cervical cancer
* History of cervical dysplasia (a precancerous condition)
* Being a woman whose mother took the drug diethylstilbestrol (DES) during pregnancy
* Age: over 25 years old
* Multiple sexual partners
* Sexual activity prior to age 18
* First pregnancy prior to age 20
* History of not having Pap tests
* Smoking

Thanks for your comments. Cervical cancer is a horrible disease that no woman should have to endure. Pat

April 28, 2010 - 6:20pm
EmpowHER Guest

Pat Elliott 99.99% of cases of cervical cancer are caused by the hpv virus. As you have a lifetime risk of about 1% of getting cervical cancer the odds of getting cervical cancer without having sex are about 1,000,000 to 1. Your link backs up what I'm saying. Here's a quote from that link. "Research suggests that some sexually transmitted viruses (eg, human papilloma virus ) can cause the nuclei in cervical cells to begin the changes that can lead to cancer." Apparently the cervical cancer rate amongst nuns is 0.

April 25, 2010 - 7:34pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have the exact same problem. And I finally got up the nerve to google this. It scares the crap out of me to have anything down there. I'm a 21 year old virgin and no one seems to understand it. Thank you for being vocal on this.

April 20, 2010 - 6:34pm
EmpowHER Guest

You have to be aroused to be lubricated so it won't hurt. It takes time for women to get aroused and it also takes practice. The older you get the better you get at it. We're not like men. They can get aroused in an instant.
Get some lubricant. The gyno shouldn't be putting a speculum in until after you have sex anyway. I presume that's for cervical cancer. You can't get cervical cancer until you've had sex so don't worry about it until then.

April 12, 2010 - 1:19am
Expert HERWriter Guide Blogger (reply to Anonymous)

There are many causes of cervical cancer. One of the major causes is Infection of the cervix with the human papillomavirus or HPV, which is a sexually transmitted disease. This is not the only cause, and it's possible to have never had sex and to get cervical cancer. You can find more information here: https://www.empowher.com/media/reference/cervical-cancer#causes

April 20, 2010 - 6:49pm
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