Am I being ridiculous? Is he lying or do i have trust issues.

By RealityCheck November 4, 2014 - 1:07pm

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Ok so heres the story straight.
I have had many long term relationships. Done it all. The hot guy (the ass), the ugly guy (the nice guy), the carpet (the overly boring nice guy)... Ive dealt with all sorts of bullshit, lies, cheating etc.

I met a guy who is not the hot guy but not the ugly guy. He is so exciting and fun and unique. Perfect fit. BUT... always a but.

He had gotten out of a 6 year relationship recently with a girl who is my polar opposite. He was too nice about everything. She broke up with him and destroyed him yet he never ever wanted to say a bad thing to her. Anyways, we met. One night he told me he had fallen and i literally told him to please think about what he saying (because i know, if your friends with ur ex, she is going to drive our relationship, or just me, into the ground). He was sure. So we started dating. And what happened? Ja. She interfered and messaged "i miss you" and wanted him back. So i eventually by mistake saw one of these messages and how "nice" his responses were. Being so early, i told him i am not playing games. You gona hurt one of us, choose who it is because right now its me. But the problem is, this small thing broke my trust in the beginning.

He made it go away and she stopped. (so i think)...

I cant help but feel im being lied to. I have this sick feeling. He swears he hasnt hidden anything again but the more i feel for him the more insecure i get. And i know guys. I know when they lie and i feel like he is. But now is my past just haunting me and he really is this great? Are my trust issues this bad?

A few things he says doesnt add up and its driving me round the bend. Like saying hes going home yet his car is there a while later when she parked across from him. (she is always around because we are all doing honours/masters and we had seen her there just before).
Not only that but he has folders on his phone of these half naked girls that look exactly like her. I have a different body, different colour hair, eyes... you name it.

How do i know... Im going crazy. And if i am nuts, please give me steps to get over this. I have always been confident and had very attractive guys after me- and now i feel like shrek. I am losing it.

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Pam Ellen Guide

Hi RealiltyCheck and welcome to EmpowHer.

Women have a very strong intuitive sense of people and situations. From what you've said your intuition has been sending you some very strong messages. If you trust yourself, and your own intuition about this situation, then you can decide if what you are thinking/feeling warrants moving on.

Another option, assuming you are an adult, is to have an adult conversation with him about the situation rather than trying to guess what he is thinking and doing. If you truly want a long-term relationship with him you won't get there by second guessing him.

Hope that helps, and perhaps some other members of the community will chime in too.

Best,

Pam

November 4, 2014 - 6:03pm