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I am a girl of 19 years of age. I go to highschool, soon finished. I have a pretty normal life with friends and a loving family and good grades at school and I would describe myself as a normal and put together individual. However, this is not the case when I am drunk. When I have had adequate amounts of alcohol I start acting really weird and innappropriate! I lose all rational sense, I lose my things, I eat food I normal wouldn't even touch, I forget what people tell me just minutes after and I forget important information. Furthermore I lie and make up weird incoherent stories! Also, I often say things that make no sense and I feel that my trail of thought is very scattered and irrational. I flirt with anyone and everyone (boys and girls too) and get very promiscuous to an extent that I could be talking to someone and suddenly just kiss them. It also happened once that I was kissing a guy whilst touching the thigh of another guy - at the same time. It's as if I want the attention from every guy and as if I want to seduce every guy - no matter who it be. I could almost go home with anyone (despite this I haven't put this thought in to action many times.. but I make weird promises to people that we could have sex etc.). My mood fluctuates between overwhelming happiness and a feeling as if I am on the top of the world and melancholy and emptiness. I say things that are embarassing, rude, peverted and generally vulgur and inappropriate and inside I cringe! I have also noticed that people look at me in a strange way: either a concerned look or sniggering. In general my behaviour is embarassing and I also can't stop talking and repeat my self a thousand times to people around me. I also have a tendency to talk about a person almost right in front of them (so they can hear it). I am always extremely ashamed of myself and I feel so depressed and embarassed when people tell me what I did the night before - Sometimes I can't even recognise myself and others have told me that it was as if I was a complete other person. This bothers me. When I get drunk I also get really friendly toward everybody and also kind of gullible. In general I would say that my mood and my behaviour is very muddled and incoherent! It's quite a contrast to my normal behaviour. Also I can drink A LOT. Eventhough I don't drink often (maximum 2-3 times monthly). When I drink I usually limit myself the amount that causes me to act so strange because it's best avoided. I always regret everything and feel as if my world is falling apart the morning after because of mere shame! I get really depressed and sad about having to face the music when people talk about it. I'm starting to wonder whether this behaviour is an underlining mental illness or personality disorder. I don't know many people that act so peculiar. I'm wondering whether the drunk me is the "real me" and the sober me is an act or a suppression of who I really am. Don't know what to say, I hope you can help. I don't know who to ask.
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Thank you for the posts! It puts me at ease to know that I am not abnormal (not that I thought my experiences were unheard of, but anyway!). I think I'll just drink less when I actually do have something to drink. Very simple, I guess. I'll just have to get used to stopping at 3-4 drinks at the most for a night. I have noticed that there is a limit to how happy alcohol can make you feel - it's as if the happiness turns into sadness within one glass too much?! I don't want to sound as if I have an alcohol addiction, because I don't have a need or an actual craving for alcohol or getting drunk- I just think I have an imbalanced approach to it. I'll just have to learn from my mistakes and become comfortable with myself! Again, thank you for the posts. Much appreciated! :)
April 18, 2010 - 3:16amThis Comment
You are very young and temporarily experiencing the same difficulties that my daughter of 33 now experiences regularly, she has borderline personality disorder and is alcoholic also suffers pscycosis induced by alcohol, she has abused her body and mind with alcohol and the lack of inhibitions through the effects of binge drinking has used drugs.
This has ruined her life and our family relationships ,including the childrens relationship with their mum, who they sadly no longer live with, it is very difficult to support her as she is a different person each time we see her, not knowing if she is drunk, coming down depressed, hyper, or psychotic. Its heartbreaking. while trying to keep her children happy and protect them from the harsh reality. "PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE PROFESSIONALS" your life is precious and its difficult clawing your way back, and much easier not to go there in the first place. Be Happy and keep yourself safe. it all started with excesive binge drinking Pleas don't lose yourself !
July 2, 2010 - 2:56amThis Comment
Thank you for sharing your post. It is awful to read, and I really hope there has been improvements in the years since you wrote it.
March 23, 2018 - 3:07pmThis could be me if I carried on. I've had various problems over the years. But I can change and be aggressive if I get too drunk, and there is no way of knowing when or if that will happen. I'm a really good person sober and I have two kids that are my world. I am 40 this year, and the blackouts seem to happen more regularly. They won't anymore because I have stopped drinking for good. It's been 5 weeks now, might not seem very long but I do have strong will, and I can stay off it. The beginning is the hardest part.
Being nearly 40, I look back at the times I've messed up my life. Alcohol has been at the route of almost every time. I do not want to lose my precious children. Your post is heart breaking, but it is also a shock and a warning to others like me. I can see this is how I could go, or worse. One blackout and who knows what I could do. It's terrifying. It feels a bit boring now, with no alcohol but I know, it's over for good. I will find other ways to enjoy myself. I do have plenty of hobbies. Thank you for being honest. Wishing you and your family the very best xx blessings
This Comment
Thank you for your question, anonymous. I think every one of us has a 'drunk' story that would be very similar. There are many studies that have been done on promiscuity and alcohol among college students. There is a direct correlation and you are not alone.
From your story, it appears that you don't drink often but when you do, you overdo it. Do you know that if you drink more than 3 beers in one sitting, it is considered 'binge drinking'? I went to my physician recently for a checkup. They often ask you if you smoke and drink alcohol and I said I drink socially. He asked how much I drank at one sitting and I said maybe 3 or 4 beers and he called me a binge drinker. I was aghast.
The reason you find happiness (promiscuity) and so forth while you are drinking alcohol is because it is scientifically proven that alcohol releases dopamine to the brain. This is the happy center. If you think about it, you lose your inhibitions while drinking because your brain is pleasured. Common sense falls out the window of the car, sort of speak.
Since you have become concerned, you have realized that you are over-doing it. Can you drink one or two beverages and stop? Your main concern should not be mental illness, rather your ability to control your alcohol intake. Alcohol effects on your body = everything you explained in your story. Making rational decisions under the influence of alcohol do not coincide.
I would not be concerned that you are suffering from a mental illness. Your mind is enjoying an over abundance of happiness with the increase of dopamine. On the other hand, you must recognize your own bodies reaction to alcohol and either learn to not binge drink or refrain from using alcohol all together. Do you think you may have a problem with binge drinking?
Here are some articles for you to read about binge drinking and memory damage
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/binge/a/memory_damage.htm
Here is one about how alcohol impairs decision making
http://alcoholism.about.com/b/2008/09/30/binge-drinking-impairs-decision-making.htm
This is very common, is there some help that we can find you?
April 17, 2010 - 10:43amThis Comment
Omg. I'm sorry firstly I'm no doctor or form of helpful advice. But I want you to know you are not alone on this one. Reading all that was just like reading about myself exactly to every last detail. You just described me in one on a typical night out. I'm even roughly the same age as you, 18 though I have been drinking for about a year properly. And yep that's me-good as gold at school, good grades pretty quiet, till I drink. I always want male attention when I'm drunk and the worst part is that I have a bf. I have been almost certain for a while now I have a narcissistic personality disorder as I tick every box for the diagnosis, but I dont know where to go exactly to get this professionally checked. Sorry, it was just nice to feel I'm not alone with this and theres other girls out there who understand.
July 14, 2012 - 5:24pmThis Comment