I just read Dr. Marty Klein's response to the woman asking about a prescription to curb her desire for her sexually non-responsive husband. He dismissed her statement about feeling repulsive as being "dramatic." Being a wife to a non-responsive husband is a very lonely place which few, even doctors, understand. It is very hard to even find other women on the web that can relate. Asking a doctor to chemically curb something so natural and beautiful is surely a last resort and agonizing decision; I know it was for me. I married my husband when he was 27 and I was 24. Although sexually active before marriage, we didn't move in together until the wedding. I noticed a change in his behavior toward me about 2 months before the wedding. We took a week-long honeymoon cruise and I bought new lingerie to wear each night. When he didn't even acknowledge me other than a travel companion and didn't want to have sex our first night, the next, nor the next, or ever, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Over the next 9 years, I have spent so much money trying to change my appearance, buying advice books, seeing doctors, etc. to help us have a normal marriage because I love him dearly. He has been to numerous doctors and had lots of tests done but have come up with no explanation. They put him on testosterone therapy anyway but it didn't help and only made him erratic and angry. I cherish the last compliment my husband gave me and play it over and over in my head for comfort almost daily. It was on our wedding day 9 years ago and he said, "I like your dress." Each day, I daydream about him being affectionate toward me like hugging me from behind while I'm cooking and try to imagine what it would sound like for him to say something like, "You look so hot today." Dr. Klein does not know the daily torture of sleeping next to someone you love so much, hear them, smell them, see them, but are forbidden from touching. I, like original submitter, also sought help from 2 doctors a few years apart only to have one of the them laugh at me and send me away. When I mustered up the courage again, the other prescribed an antidepressant (it didn't help) to curb my desire but also made crude jokes about my sexuality and his nephew that could "help" me with it. My mother happened upon open windows on my computer and has now distances herself from us, and after making jokes about it, said it makes her feel awkward to be around us. I have sought help from our clergy (who is also a licensed counselor) who told me to have my marriage annulled. My husband refused to participate but says he can have sex with me any time he wants, he just doesn't have any desire.
I could go on and on, but I pray that many in this situation don't see Dr. Klein's dismissive response to the original post and give up on every finding peace in their life. Everyone should be able to trust a doctor to help, not ridicule and isolate them.
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