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Having a problem with my boyfriend and our sex life. HELP!!

By May 4, 2010 - 8:18pm
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I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now. I am 22 and he is 25. We have been having sex since we started dating and it was always great. Lately he has been pushing me aside when I approach him and has been masterbating instead. Its not abnormal for a guy to do this. He is away at college 5 days a week and comes home on the weekends. I figured since he doesnt see me all week he would want to (which he has in the past) Within the last few months it has been different. I try and please him in any way i can and am willing to do what he wants but he just says hes not horny and thats it... then goes and masterbates at school all week. when i confront him about it he gets defensive and doesnt want to talk about it. I dont know what to do and it is starting to make me feel as if he doesn't find me sexuall attractive. I am not ugly by any mean. 5'3 118 pounds nice figure. I'm stuck and need suggestions on what to do! PLEASE HELP!!

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EmpowHER Guest

nothing else has changed..we go out and have a great time, talk about everything, everyone knows me down there and knows he is taken, so i know he is not cheating.... he does masturbate while at school and then when he comes home he is not in the mood. i just don't see why he would do that all week knowing he will be home on friday and see me? another reason may be because since he started school he has gained some weight. he went from 230 to 245/250. do you think he may be intentionally masturbating because he does not like the way he looks anymore and is embarrassed to be seen naked?

May 5, 2010 - 7:08pm
(reply to Anonymous)

It's possible, Anon, though generally something like 15-20 pounds isn't going to have that much of an effect on a guy's self-esteem. (Usually WE are bothered more by our weight gain than they are bothered by theirs!) But sure, it's possible. Has he said anything to you that makes you think he could be feeling that way?
Is he stressed about school? Is he doing well in his classes and feeling good about how it's going there?

May 7, 2010 - 8:32am


I'm not sure there's anything that YOU can do. This doesn't sound like your problem as much as it sounds like there is something else going on with your boyfriend. I understand why it would make you feel rejected, but if you focus on that aspect of it you won't be focusing on the real thing.

What you're saying, if we boil it down, is that:
-- the sexual relationship between the two of you changed a few months ago, and
-- he isn't desiring you when he sees you on the weekends, and
-- he gets defensive and doesn't want to talk about it.

I don't want to be harsh, but is it possible that something else is going on? Is it possible that he is seeing someone else at school? Or that internet porn may be involved? Have other aspects of your relationship changed as well?

May 5, 2010 - 9:31am
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