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Is he not that into me anymore?

By Anonymous January 15, 2011 - 12:20pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. At the beginning of our relationship, sexual intimacy was never an issue. He never failed to tell me how beautiful I was and how much he loved my body and me as a person. We were having sex on a regular basis and I never felt undesirable.

I do understand that over time, the "newness" of a relationship wears off and carnal desires are tempered; however, over the past several months, my boyfriend's sexual interest in me has diminished severely. He no longer initiates sex. When I try to make the first move, he either gives me the excuse of he's "too tired" (he does work in a stressful, full-time work environment) or he gets angry with me and says I put too much emphasis on the sexual aspect of our relationship. I can't begin to tell you how many nights I have tried massages, sexy lingerie or toys and have been shot down to the point where I've cried myself to sleep. I am afraid to even try to get him in the mood because I don't want to incur his anger.

Sex is not the most important aspect of any two peoples' relationship, but it is important. It's not like I want it every single day, but it would be nice to feel wanted. I'm lucky to get it once every two weeks or so. When I do, I get the distinct impression that it's done only to keep me quiet.

By no means am I unattractive. I take care of myself as far as diet and exercise are concerned and I do put an effort into my appearance. I just don't understand how things have changed so drastically recently. I'm sick of feeling unattractive, but I'm unsure how to approach this situation with my boyfriend without upsetting him and making the things worse.

Do you have in suggestions?

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your question and we hear this question on many occasions. Here is one in particular https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore.

From my experience, these are the few things that always come to mind when sex becomes an issue:
Possibly gay
The man's feeling about himself (ugly, fat) – yes, they are much like women-
Porno addiction
Stress (money, etc.)

These seem to be the most accurate answers to this question. Each situation is very different but maybe these suggestions and/or stories above may help your certain situation. Please let us know.
Good luck,

January 16, 2011 - 9:25am
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